Some times Erasmus ain't too sweet

Bianca, a proud and happy (not to mention relieved girl), sent her term paper to Dr. hm-hm for more than a week ago. Has she gotten any feed-back or confirmation of having recieved the damn term paper!? NO!
Am I getting nervous!? YES!
Will the department of English be pissed with me!? PROBABLY!!!

I did not read these books for fun...

...to write a term paper on a semi-boring topic.

So I procrastinate and ponder on life...

I stumbled across a questionnaire titled "Vanity Fair's Proust Questionnaire" which Cecilia's mother posted up on facebook. Apparently it was a link to someone's blog; they call themselves Dame. When it comes to quizzes and questionnaires I just can't help myself - I need to do it in order to get answers. The results and labels you receive from these quizzes and questionnaires are probably about 70% stupid and are general statements that fit everyone. Yet, I do the quiz/questionnaire for unexplained reasons, perhaps I think I am discovering who I really am? Because are we not all on a life-long journey to figure out who we are? Sadly, I think so...

So here it goes:


What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Living without worries and having a nice journey in life filled with treasured memories and joy as well as love.

What is your greatest fear?
To not be loved for who I am, or i.e. to be rejected. Also, the thought of waking up one day and realizing that what you thought was reality, in fact wasn't.

What historical figure do you most identify with?
Hmm, maybe Jane Austen? I don't possess her talent nor her way of expression or speech, but I am a sucker for romance! Honestly though, I have no clue and we all know how bad I am at history...

Which living person do you most admire?
I do not know who I admire the most, but I do admire my mother a lot for everything she's been through and how she has worked hard to get to where she is today.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Giving up easily.

What trait do you most deplore in others?
Dishonesty.

What is your greatest extravagance?
Time or food...

On what occasion do you lie?
With people I barely know or have newly become acquainted with; e.g. on some few occasions I have lied or twisted a story to conceal the truth which I am ashamed of telling them.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
That my arms look like horrible sticks that you can snap in two.

What is your favorite journey?
Moving to Heidelberg, Germany. The people, the vicinity, the culture, the language. It felt more like home than what actually is my home. There were some downs obviously but surmountable ones.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Perhaps chastity, but that is just me and in regards to myself.

Which living person do you most despise?
My father.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
"Probably", "echt", "I can't be bothered".

What is your greatest regret?
Each time I have fought for something and then faced an obstruction which I'm too afraid of or in general tired of fighting without any results, and decided to give up. I should have kept going.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
I haven't reached that point in life yet, but hopefully it isn't too far from now.

When and where were you happiest?
There are two moments in which I was the happiest; the latter was the most happiest but also a bit of a cliché.
1). After I willingly ran a campaign for ECPAT to raise money on the International Children's Day 2010 at university. One of the few times I felt like giving up and backing out but pushed through. The feed back was amazing and the amount of money we managed to raise was beyond more than I had expected!
2). The 21st of December 2010. His room, his bed, his shirt, his body, his smell. The only guy who has assured me that an amazing night does not have to end with sex and that impatience kills the mystery. He also proved to me that there are good ones out there who are not out after that one thing.

Which talent would you most like to have?
The talent of Jacqueline du Pré.

What is your current state of mind?
Lost and dismembered.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
To get things done and to stop quitting when I've almost got what I've fought for and wanted.

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
That it wasn't destroyed and split in two. I would have siblings and my father would have been a better person.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what would it be?
A better person.

If you could choose what or who to come back as, what would it be?
Still: a better person. However, I wouldn't mind coming back as a dog either, or maybe even a star, unless I can be the moon.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Daring to break loose from set ideals, paths and wishes from my family in order to do what I want or needed to do.

What is your most treasured possession?
My graduation cap - I've gotten through a large milestone, or even better; it symbolizes a period in life which has not only had to do with education, but everything I've experienced and been through until then. Graduating allowed me to enter a new chapter, turn the page and rewrite myself and my real dreams in life.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
(Can't come up with anything from the top of my head.)

What is your most marked characteristic?
Probably that I look nothing like a Swede and resemble Pocahontas.

What is the quality you most like in a man?
Humbleness and loyalty (I can't just pick one quality!).

What is the quality you most admire in a woman?
Respect: to others but mostly herself.

What do you most value in your friends?
Their honesty.

Who are your favourite writers?
Jane Austen, Siri Hustvedt and Émile Zola.

Who is your favourite hero of fiction?
Superman?

Who are your heroes in real life?
I don't have any, but if anyone probably my mom.

What are your favourite names?
Alexander, Maximilian, Olivia, Allegra, Elizabeth, Edward, Philip, Oliver.

What is it that you most dislike?
Uncomfortable situations.

How would you like to die?
By not dying? Seriously though; in my sleep.

What is your motto?
As of new year's eve it has been changed to "just go for it" no matter what it is or how scared I am - it's now or never!

FML - and this time I mean it!

So that feeling we always describe as "the world going under"... Well I'm having it right now.
Here's why:

1. Last night I met someone! During our encounter I was a bit shocked and shy that I was actually speaking to this person that I was barely paying attention to what he said and wasn't listening well enough. I wasn't even expecting to still be crushing on this person because it's been a bit too long since we met in person and we have both already entered new chapters in our separate lives. After the encounter, I felt worse because talking to him made me like him even more and the fact that we aren't even living in the same area made reality come and slap me in the face. It always has to be complicated doesn't it?
2. Then after the session I was going to bed, totally excited about the first swim lesson I was gonna have the day after. So I did the usual routine and washed my face, brushed my teeth, etc. Looked in the mirror and remembered that I wanted to wax my upper lip (although there was nothing there) because I suffer from some perfectionist syndrome and I want to be perfect even though I know it is fully impossible and ridiculous because I never feel better when I try - and who am I even doing it for!? No one who can appreciate it! Well faith came and slapped me in the face again, because apparently my skin was a bit too dry so the wax caught a hold of approximately 1,5cm of skin on both sides and ripped it with the almost-non-existing hair... Hello mustache made out of flesh and all pink, sore and raw. It looks like I have a pink Clark Gable mustache! (For those who don't know what a his mustache looks like check out this site and you'll see what I mean.)
   
3. So because of the raw skin I can't even go swimming because the chlorine probably will infect it and it will hurt like hell. I don't need it to get any redder than it already is! Or prolong it's healing process...
4. I went to the pharmacy to try and find some miracle cream. I didn't have much time as I needed to study before this only class I have for today. So I ran to the first pharmacist I saw and asked for help. Her expression... "Oh, that's pretty bad!" Thanks. Like I wasn't aware of that already... She gave me a cream called Hyderm and apparently it should all be fixed and gone in a couple of days - so I'm hoping latest Thursday night. Anyways, I go home and read the "directions for use" AFTER I dabbed the damn cream on my wounds and there it was: not to be used on open wounds. WTF?!
5. After I finally calmed down and before leaving for uni, I decided to check things out at the student portal. Only to see (15mins before I really have to leave) that we had homework for our first class and it's some three paged thingy on Barnen i Bullerbyn. That was it... I unpacked my bag took off my shoes and signed in to the blog and I shared my first shit day of 2012.

I think it's fair to now say: FML!

I don't feel alright

In spite of these comforting sounds you make

I don't feel alright

Because you make promises...

...that you break.

That fine line you need to keep in mind

There is always some fine line between reality and imagination, and my dreams at night tend to be very vivid and rub that line so well that I often question if things in fact did happen. Although, I always know that they didn't, yet I never cease to be so fascinated about how real most of my dreams can feel.

So last night, my dream which will stay with me and in my mind, felt so real that reality was nearly an immense disappointment. I even felt a taste in my mouth ..perhaps that is what made it feel so real? A taste that reminded me of blood, and that in a good way (if there is a good way). I also felt so very sore and slightly wounded. Yet all of this in such a good way, and I am aware that it is hard to try to see it in a good way when I'm describing it so very briefly and on a very shallow level. No depth. But that depth and all the details are for me to keep and are not to be shared.

However, I only wanted to share that dreaming can really rub reality - something we all know though.

Confused

I'm not quite sure what has gotten to me today and last night, but all my happiness sort of evaporated in to thin air. It feels like it's basically sucked the life out of me. And my winter music sure doesn't help me..

This term paper is slowly coming to an end. I have five more pages to go and it's all bullshit. I wish it wasn't but tell me which term papers aren't; we come up with a thesis and try to prove ourselves right and most of the time it's either already been done or you end up being wrong. It's all bullshit.

I'm seeking a remedy for whatever it is I've got, and whatever it is, I can't for the life of me tell. Or perhaps I can but I don't want to admit it or realize it. Tomorrow though, I will be having a Harry Potter marathon with my childhood friends and if there is anybody who can really get me out of this: it is always them! So I think tomorrow will come soon enough and I can't wait to be surrounded by hearty people who know me through and through.

As if they were my words

I decided to log on to Facebook before giving my term paper another (and hopefully the last) go. On the news feed I found this video about God and religion being two completely different things.

Now for those who know me, I am Catholic; however, I have a problem calling myself for a Catholic because all that I have been taught about it, is to follow the Bible and the 10 commandments very seriously. Rules have never fitted me very well, in fact I'm not much for rules - at least not when it comes to how I should live my life and how I should be as a person. I understand having rules, such as laws to try to make our communities, countries and continents work and cooperate. What I don't understand is having one book say how we should be as a person, don't do that, don't do this. Does it really matter? Does it matter that much if we eat pork? Does it matter that much that I attend Sunday masses? Does it really matter? To the religious it does because we want to serve Jesus or God, whoever the Almighty is, who I think is the same person to all of us who believe. However, I also believe that we were all born with morals and ethics. Usually it's a question of how parents manage to preserve them and also how we ourselves manage to preserve them. A broken man is sometimes in need of his downfall to find God.

With the last sentence, many would probably argue that that is what churches or other religious institutions are for. Very well, I guess one cannot argue much but for example last Saturday I was helping out at a soup kitchen for homeless people who were out of the system in Sweden. I was helping out a different church than my own, not to mention that they were not Catholics. As they knew I did not belong to their church they immediately asked if I wanted to join their church. It is just a question but why should I? Would I not be welcome to come and help out anymore because I was Catholic? It is the same God and I am not a broken "Catholic" man who needs to find savior among their church. What I am trying to get at (and slightly failing to succeed) is that religion to me is very private. I do not count the commandments and make sure I follow them each day, I do not attend mass because being in a church reading the Bible and sitting in a room full of people who I believe are there for appearances sake makes me sick. I believe in the possibility of having a private connection to God. I do not need to go to masses, take the holy bread, drink the wine, confess my sins. I know what sins I have made, I always feel regret for it. I do not need to have someone else who claims that God speaks through them tell me where I went wrong and say that 3 Hail Marys and 2 Our Fathers will fix it and bring me closer to God and give me forgiveness. No! It doesn't work that way for me. What I need is to then reflect in peace and speak to him in peace, find him in peace. I can think for myself, thank you.

Yesterday as my mother and I were having dinner, I was discussing how hard it is to have relatives in a third world country and living in a first world country but still not being able to help them as much as I wish I could. I also discussed how heavy it weighed on my shoulders to know that eventually, because we will all one by one be leaving this earth at some point, I will be all alone in helping them. My mother won't be there forever and quite frankly this situation did not have to exist. I mean the situation of my cousins, all dropping out of college because they knocked someone up or knocked themselves up and never even thought about the consequences and the responsibility of bringing a child in to this world, their world. And it gets worse when they repeat it, and that it might even go from one generation to another. I can't help that many! My mother who is forever a helping hand for those in need, cut me straight off as I was getting more and more worked up about the future. She said: "Bianca stop it. They made their choices and it is what it is. Either you help them because you want to or you don't help them at all. Don't do it because you need to or because you think that you have to. There's nothing worse than doing it without a free will." My mother was right. I've known about that theory for a long time, but sometimes we just need to be reminded. This was not told to denote how I (to whoever reads this, I probably come off as an awful person who would rather help strangers than family right now) have a dilemma about helping my relatives in the Philippines. This was told because as my mother said that I thought to myself, that is why I never attend masses and never feel completely Catholic. It is all forced, everything is forced, each religion has it's one book which we should follow and live by. The fact is, none of them ever get to the core and that is why we all think we know what the Bible, the Qur'an, the Torah, and so on, is telling us. Yet we don't! How many people do not argue about what they all are actually telling us? How many wars has religion started? The endless discussions about what the messages in these holy scripts convey are far too many, and perhaps a waste of time because the discussions can't even get to the core (obviously). Therefore, I believe that this young man in the youtube video below is speaking a lot of sense and mostly expressing what I have felt about religion but never been able to put in words (he even does it in a poem). Please spend four minutes of your life to hear what he has to say.

Thinking of a change...

I know that one of the things I want to change in my life this year is my health. I would like to stop binge eating, or actually: eating anything I see and in massive amounts. The amounts might not set themselves on my body but I still feel a laziness and this heavy cloud weighing inside of me. It doesn't sound good does it?

In general, it just makes me feel slower and a bit unhappier all in all. So I was thinking about how to change it this year. Either I go back to the gym and do some group sessions with barbells, jog and etc. or I switch it out to something else. I was considering starting hip-hop or dance in general, perhaps not ballet because that sort of messed up my limbs and my right knee. Then I thought about tennis but there were no classes that went well with my schedule. My mom eventually asked if she was supposed to toss the sports magazine from my uni in the bin. I decided to keep it and look through it, however, I knew all activities that they offered so I wasn't planning on looking through it all again. Yet yesterday while waiting for the clock to strike 8.20pm, I was flipping through the pages and found the swimming section... Now, I do not know how this all came to me but I suddenly wondered if swimming can tone one's body? And apparently swimming is one of the best exercises for the body and also a friendly one that strengthens your joints and limbs. I could use that thank you!!! My right knee has actually been giving me crap since my last two weeks in Heidelberg. Don't know why and I refuse to go to the doctor just to find out that I'll probably need an operation.

Either way... I might swap the gym for swimming instead.

I want to be able to swim like these people too!!!

Damn you Michael Phelps...

First post in the year 2012

I think 2012 has to be a better year. So far 2012 has started off pretty well for me, and I think it might stay that way and get better for each month. I hope so at least. I remember last year and it started out all crappy and was a complete roller coaster too early on in the year. Good and bad memories though with many experiences and travels.

My new year's resolution is to go for it. Whatever it is: I'm going for it! I need to get back to the same ambitious Bianca who had dreams and plans. I still do but I need to get more active; dare a bit more. So here it goes.. Bianca is going to take risks. I usually never do, I always play on the safe side, keep emotions safe, regret certain things I never took a chance at but not this year. (I'm going for it!)

So...
Resolution no. one: the SLA term paper will be done by latest Wednesday the 11th of January.
Resolution no. two: I will save up money and travel as much as I can this summer.
Resolution no. three: I will apply for my last Erasmus in hopes of ending up in Berlin fall 2012.
Resolution no. four: I will be a better student and give it my very all this semester!
Resolution no. five: I'm just gonna go for it when it comes to anything and everything..

This should do right? Let's make it a heck of a year!

My last chance for a blogpost in the year 2011

This is it...

Today was great fun! I celebrated mom's birthday (finally). We went bowling and the queen of bowling herself kicked my ass as usual and she also landed herself spot four on the high score board for today's visited bowlers (or whatever you would like to call it). I still had some of it in me from those days when I had bowling practice too. I remember my bowling bag, my super cool and my own bowling ball, my awesome shoes and my skirt. Also my t-shirt with a bowling logo on it. I used to have class while my mom and her team would be on the lanes next to the kids, practicing for competitions that were coming up. Today my mom managed to do 3 strikes in a row. Just like before and a total of 7 strikes within three series: now this is her just warming up! So cool, and she gave me some advice just like before. Yeah we had a lot of fun, and it was so nice to see her get active in her favorite sport again.

Then it was the city, we did a bit of shopping, but actually we wanted to watch a movie. Only problem was that when we were gonna purchase the tickets they were all sold out. Rain check I assume...

We also had some hearty talks over dinner. I think it was much needed, I'm not one to open up too much, especially nt to my mom - so I guess she appreciated it a lot. One topic was love and I must say, it was a fun topic to discuss and we understood each other on a different level. Really nice! And tomorrow I can finally meet awesome friends of mine and have some coffee or whatnot. Christmas break is so nice to have!

Tonight I decided that I have had it! I am tired of sitting around waiting, stalking, wasting my time. I deactivated my facebook account and I need to keep it that way for another month at least. Once I get back on my feet, happy enough, focused enough and given myself that hard slap across the face I will be fine. Then I just might let myself activate that damn account again...

Mommy's birthday!

Today is my mom's birthday. Unfortunately I'll be working tonight but at the moment she has been cooking since early this morning (done a really good job) and her friends just arrived. So I'm gonna hang out in my room and try to start my last term paper and then join them for some food, steal some food, then head off to work. I really don't want to work but I should be happy that I even have a job. I need to save money for trips this summer!

Aaaaaaaaargh!!!! I really miss travelling and I always go somewhere. It's like some sort of drug and I need it pronto!!

Beloved friends are all home for Christmas

I am so glad to have so many of my near and dear friends back in town. I know I complain that Stockholm is very small and so on, but it is and it gets even smaller without my friends. However, they are all here now so I am really happy about that!

Today I met another friend: Mathilda. 'twas awesome! Haven't seen her in ages and just like Louise, she too moved to London and resides there nowadays. Oh, I envy them for having left the city we know as our nest and fly with their own wings. I suppose you don't need to leave the nest to do that actually but I love travelling and hate being still. Speaking of being still, I am wondering when I will be travelling again? I need to move and go somewhere. I'm thinking about Paris, Rome or Budapest. I want to go to more places but for starters these three cities would be awesome!

Anyways, I hung out for 5 hours with Mathilda. Certainly was not enough, and as always when the end is near that is when we are so extremely tired that we start laughing at absolutely everything. I even told her an embarrassing story, something that had happened to me at work (I was such an idiot - I swear!). I think I will retell that story in another post.
We swapped Christmas gifts and since her birthday was the 15th I needed to turn it up a notch. As always, Mathilda gives such great presents and I always feel so bad because she doesn't just get you one thing but she gives you two presents and she also gives you something she knows that . So crazy generous! This Christmas she surprised me with a little travel kit from the Body Shop with a coconut scented collection. Awesome! Something you will always need and coconut is a great scent that works any time. Then she somehow remembered how I once, for like years ago, said that I loved Turkish Delight and especially those with the flavor rose. So as I opened it up and saw what it was, she told me how she remembered that I like Turkish Delight and especially rose. So sweet! And I just had a piece as well. It's too yummy and this is one happy girl.

Rose is my favorite, but I like lemon and menthe too!

The art of giving

Christmas has been around for a while now and tomorrow it will finally be the 24th for all of those kids who have eagerly been waiting for tomorrow to come.

I wish it could be just as an exciting and joyous event for my relatives in the Philippines as it will be for the majority of the world. It won't be though because about a week ago cities like Iligan and Cagayan de Oro, both down south, were victims of a huge flood. The disaster, which they also call a storm, took many lives and my family were victims too. Luckily they are all alive but all their possessions are gone. The house is flooded, possessions are washed away, the refrigerator is floating about; the water reached a level to which my relatives were forced to escape up to their own roof to stay safe. It could have been worse I presume, since many families still have missing members. There are about a bit more than 1000 people missing and many were killed by this disaster.

So my mother has tried to gather things we do not need and so are her friends. Anything that could be useful, especially clothes because that's something they definitely do not have anymore and they can't walk around in drenched garments for weeks right? So I spent my evening gathering whatever clothes I had not touched in months, what was too small or too big, what I had multiple designs of, gave them to mom and hopefully it will reach them soon enough.

I wish Christmas time could be free from disasters and problems and worries.

For some further news/updates, here are some articles:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-16251316
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-16312397
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-16235672

French...

I took up a new language. Well not so new because I did study this language before but it was basically nothing and I have to basically start from scratch. The language is french! (Quelle surprise, n'est pas vrai?) I love my teacher. She's so sweet and very well educated: two PhD s and she's still as interested in her program as she was before. Hopefully I'll get it going very soon. Now I finally have winter break so I can take my time to learn all the damn verbs and conjugations so that I get it done. Actually I have a visual dictionary for French-German, and I think it is time for this girl to put out post-its in her room and in some rooms so that my vocab will grow. Especially for German. I think I might die next semester. So much literature and I don't even know if I've passed the remaining exams yet. Sigh! What a life right?
I also need to get rid of my Tuesdays because next semester I'll be having classes every Monday and Tuesday. And each Tuesday I work but no can do no more...

On to other things: I met Louise today who is home for Christmas break. Felt like it had been ages but it was so lovely to see her again. Hopefully we can squish another meeting before she leaves for the UK. Then we might be seeing each other some time soon again because I am definitely thinking about visting London and Sheffield next year, some time in March. I just need to save up that money which at the moment WAS going well but then Christmas times it is, so one word: PRESENTS!

I'm so nasty tired that I'm about to fall asleep here... Right early night it shall be!

Bises mes puces

Christmas shopping

So today I went einkaufen for some Christmas presents and found some awesome presents for my mom. She gets three this year, pricey but enough I would assume.

First present is an alarm clock because her current one has sort of broken down. This is one that is very much alike the Philips "wake-up light". It has a radio so she will definitely be getting up in time for work and I no longer need to lend out my own clock.
Second present is a perfume box from the Body Shop: White Musk Libertine. I think she'll be liking that one a lot, besides she gets to smell wonderful!
Third but not the least, I found the most incredible thing ever! Each Christmas I go to a retail store that sells Elizabeth Arden's products and ask for the body lotion for Red Door (my mom's favorite fragrance). Each year it is a no because they stopped manufacturing it. BUT this year I thought I might as well try and had a feeling that I might not be disappointed - which I so was not. And Bianca finally managed to get her mom her favorite body lotion ever, which will be such a surprise for her (assuming that she herself has not found the lotion before I did).

Awesome! Now I just have to figure out what to do for her birthday or what to give... (Her birthday is three days after Christmas eve. Fitting for the wallet!)

Other than that today has been great! I am finally done with all my exams, handed in my essay to the department of English, done with Christmas shopping and I hung out with Ida this whole afternoon. We drank some coffee, did some Christmas shopping, walked about and we most importantly saw that Twilight movie (Breaking Dawn - part 1). Eeeh... that movie was okay. I was a bit put off with how it was made but there were some great scenes. It will be interesting when the second part is released and then it will also finally be over! YES!!!


What I recently noticed as well, is that at this time one year ago I was heading off to a certain someone's place to watch a movie but actually I was planning on spending the night, which I did, which was one of the most amazing nights in my life... I kind of miss that feeling. Hopefully that same feeling will come around again, I doubt that it won't.

Schokoladeeeeee!

My mentee gave me this today, and I have already eaten a third - it's good, REAL good!

Check out my freak out

And by big, I mean I have a lot of relatives....

Someone is going down and I don't want it to be me!

Seriously? Seriously!!!

I am the crappiest student right now because I can't even be bothered to study for my last exam, which is one of the toughest exams so far. Try a German lit-course in German, with 10 German books written from 1945 until 1999. Everything having to do with history and a whole bunch of Freud analyses. (A lot about the interpreattion of dreams, which I wish I had read since it's sitting there on my bookshelf. Had I read it already, I would've rocked that class but no...)

Anyways, you discuss in German, read in German, the professor speaks in German, the lit-terms are all in German, Freud is discussed auf Deutsch auch. So much German but I love it, however, perhaps not at the moment because I feel completely fried. And next semester is like right around the corner. Not to mention that my whole Christmas break is gonna be devoted to my last Hausarbeit (like a term paper; this one will be on 15+ pages, because 15 is the minimum yet extra credits are much need for this young girl so page it up..). It will be about Second Language Acquisition, a topic free of choice and I was wondering if I should write about SLA for bilingual people especially in my age, because taking up a third language can be super easy yet (as I've noticed with my German) your L2 could ruin your L1 (L1s in my situation and all other bilingual beings). So I feel a bit excited about that, since the topics are super interesting! Yay! And if I do it quick enough, I just might get some Christmas break. Woohoo!

One thing to look forward to: Christmas shopping with Ida on Wednesday after my last exam for this semester!!!

P.S. Essay on "Carnivalesque and the bodies in Angela Carter's Wise Children": check!!!
7 pages ought to be enough to get me the rest of those 2 ECTS for Heidelberg, I hope?

Ibland så........

...kan jag bara önska samma sak åt vissa personer. Elak eller inte, så kan folk bara göra mig så bitter men så pass mycket att jag helt skiter i dem och går vidare. Fast ändå med denna tanke. Hmmm, elak Bianca!

Dock kom det lite glädje idag: snö! And lots of it. Slask dessutom, men hopp om en vit julafton. Haha or NOT! Så många dagar kvar tills dess, det lär komma en besvikelse snart. Either way: en tenta down one last one to go. Bring it on bitch, jag är so over denna termin! Hoppas bara att man kommer att bestehen alla Prüfungen. Annars kommer jag att förvandlas till Hulken, och jag kommer inte att bli grön, utan jag kommer att bestå av mat-partiklar - because that's how I roll!