Planning ahead

Whilst being in bed, trying to recover from this cold I have gotten, I have been trying to get as much homework as possible done so that I can finally have the energy to deal with my BA-thesis (yes, I'm still on square one). In between I watch movies, or catch up on various TV shows that I have been missing out on, catching up on sleep (not that sleep is easy when you have a cold). And now I seem to find myself planning ahead, like way ahead. The movies I have been watching lately are your average, cheesy, American teen movies, or awesome childhood, movie-adapted books, e.g. The Chronicles of Narnia, Philip Pullman's Northern Lights (although the Americans are always so special and change the title so the movie's named The Golden Compass). Anyways, point is: I have been on amazon looking for boxed editions of these books. Why? Because when I get my own children, I will be reading these books to them as goodnight stories. Simple as that. Now, isn't that some real future planning?

Sad part is that I spend time looking for boxed sets and then question which set is better or prettier instead of studying. Schiller's Die Räuber has basically been lying next to me in bed for the past four hours. Maybe I should get cracking... Yet I can't keep myself from thinking which books I would start off with first? His Dark Materials, The Chronicles of Narnia, and then Harry Potter? Or The Chronicles of Narnia, His Dark Materials, and then Harry Potter? Or should I introduce Harry Potter earlier on?

In sickness and in health

Lately I've been stuck in my room for multiple reasons, but the most relevant reason is due to my cold. It had a good timing since I didn't miss any of my German classes this week, however, I did miss out on my tennis class (turned out that it was shit according to one of my course mates, they got a substitute since our teacher Eugine/Yevgny/"some Lithuanian or Belarussian name" was sick too. Is there even a word such as Belarussian? Sorry, I meant adjective. Obviously.). But thanks to my waterbottle, me filling it up every hour and running to the bathroom every end of an hour, I think I've gotten most of the virus out of my body. I'm feeling pretty good though; no coughs and just a slightly clogged nose. This should mean that I can go play tennis with Catherine on Sunday. Catherine is Swiss and is here for a semester, unless she's already been here since January, and studies Swedish. Pretty cool since I always think that nobody wants to learn Swedish. Apparently the Germans and Swiss people do! (See, that's why I like the German language and people!!)

Anyways. even though I'm feeling loads better I still can't focus on homework. I've been trying to study French the whole day long but haven't done shit until now. And at the moment, I'm even taking a break after one hour. My teacher thought it would be good if I faire un résumé sur les trois séquences A, B et C, which I find really boring because when I try to write a summary I end up using the same verbs and it just ends up looking like plagiarism, and we are being taught at uni to not plagiarize. I've heard teachers nag about that since I was studying at Heidelberg and all that German scandal broke out in the media.

What else? Well, whilst being sick I have been a very good sport. Despite the cold I managed to clean the flat, iron every piece of garment left in the clean-laundry basket, bake cinnamon rolls (4th of October = cinnamon Roll Day! ...at least in Sweden, it is.), recycle and pay (more) bills. I even managed to cook some awesome dinner and lunch. Oh yeah! This sick girl is on fire.

Maybe I should get back to mes devoirs.
Bisous!

Übersetzung und Elin Manahan hilft mir

Ich übersetzte grad ins Deutsch. Alles für Montag, wenn ich wieder im Unterricht sitzen muss. Aber darüber kann ich mich nicht beklagen - die Lehrerin ist einfach toll und super nett, macht alles schon viel interessanter.
Der Text lautet "Der Papst besucht seine Heimat". Passend für eine junge Katholikin...

Dagegen muss ich erwähnen, wie zauberhaft Elin Manahan ist. Ich liebe ihre Stimme und sie macht alles einfacher und leichter beim Lernen. Ich merke sofort, wie ich auch zurück zu klassischer Musik gehe. Die ist natürlich ein Teil von meiner Kindheit und meine alte Flamme (Klavier). Schön zu wissen, dass ich sie immer noch schätzen kann.

Ich teil mit, einem Lied von der Manahan gesungen (geht nur, wenn man Spotify hat). Viel Spaß!

Elin Manahan Thomas – Morgen

Am Ende kommt die Dekadenz, aber kommt der Vitalismus auch?

So this semester has been spiraling to become my own decadence. I have been reading about it for the past 6 months and now it seems like these books have been trying to point something out to me. My only question is if vitalism will also be happening some time very soon?

Why decadence? Because that's the best way to define how I have been feeling these past weeks (actually months) and how everything I have hoped for has turned out. The Zerfall of me seems to have taken place, slowly if not quick and hard. So... Decadence because I relate to the female characters that Arthur Schnitzler and Thomas Mann, even Theodor Storm and Gerhart Hauptmann to some extent, have depicted. Because had I been any of the women in Fräulein Else and Tristan, I would have done exactly what they did and their deaths are to me (in a pretty twisted way) beautiful. I can also imagine myself being a femme fragile during the Fin de siècle, on second thought: I probably was a femme fragile in my past life and still am in this life. No wonder why I am fascinated by Freud, Weininger and the philosophy and theory about hysteria and most intriguingly the Geschlechterdebatte. The (Zer)Fall der Frau never seems to bore me and the beauty of their deaths and their thoughts and hysteria are all pretty captivating. (This is probably giving you all the wrong image of me, I am not agreeing with men being the better sex or even the stronger sex, should that be an image you have of me now. I am just fascinated with the decadence and the fin de siècle.) My own feelings have been pretty dark and pessimistic lately, and very similar to the women described in the books I have read. My faith has seemed to wish the worst for me and all I feel is that I am slowly falling into my own modern decadence. Words can't quite describe how bad it all seems to have turned out right now, and frankly, I think everyone is better off not knowing.

Contributions to my decadence: The topic love. How one believes that a romance can regress to friendship, is completely impossible for me to understand. I have tried to understand, and even tried to put it in practice. Results are distressing and to no one's shock, very maddening. Ever heard of "meet me halfway"? Instead of being the only one trying to make an effort and trying to make it work out with respect for the other, without ripping up old wounds, both need to equally contribute to the phony friendship they are trying to maintain. Never ever try to be friends with an old flame - it won't work, at least not to both's benefit.
Another contribution to my decadence is education. As much as I thought I knew what I was doing, apparently I don't. I am basically drowning in a wide-open sea with the darkest tone of black as water. Let's call it (pure*) turpentine instead, because as transparent as turpentine is I apparently manage to fail and be blind to myself. I tend to always lose myself and get lost in the academic world - sometimes I wonder what I am even doing in it.
One of the least expected contributions is ice hockey. I have no idea why I am suddenly so obsessed with this sport and when Sweden didn't even qualify for the semi-finals my heart felt very heavy. What could ice hockey even substitute? In my life, I cannot find anything that could to the slightest bit be associated to ice hockey. Nevertheless, I have seriously considered becoming an ice hockey wife. Not that I am sure what it would require of me or what that lifestyle is like - I just know that ice hockey has been the only uplifting thing in my life this year. The one thing I have been looking forward to and that has nearly become my bible. However, (as I previously mentioned) the loss against the Czech Republic was a hard loss to accept. And how unexpected is it that Slovakia slid in on second place? I never really saw them coming.
One of the last contributions is funerals. I hate them, not that I think anybody loves them, but I cannot deal with loss. I do not know what to do, how to react, what to say... What I really can't deal with is acknowledging someone's death. Uttering the words, letting it slip out of my mouth to become reality is the hardest thing for me to do and accept. And I never react until it is time for the funeral, because that is the last evidence of death that is slapped across your face. I tend to pretend like death never happens, however, it's hard to pretend once you see a coffin and hear the sobs of family members. Although I wasn't close to my aunt's husband, he was still a part of our family tree. My sorrow was more for my aunt and a part of my disappointment for choosing not to attend the funeral, something I believe is one of my many mistakes in life.

Und wann kommt der Vitalismus? In literature and in Fin de siècle, vitalism came after the fall (in the books, the death of the women) in form of a new life, a new beginning (in the books, they were all in the form of babies). This semester is finally coming to an end. One week left with one exam and a presentation to go. I need to pull it off, one way or another. Then summer vacation begins, something I have been looking forward to very much. So hopefully this summer will act as my Vitalismus. I will be needing it badly.


*If turpentine isn't pure then it has a yellow-brownish color and a very characteristic smell to it. Therefor, I needed to distinguish which type of turpentine I was talking about.

Prepping for an exam you cannot prep for

Today has come down to the point when I have received my first massive head ache in ages. Tomorrow will be my second exam and another study session for our oral literature exam the following days. Tonight, however, is the game between Sweden and Russia: yes folks, I'm talking about ice hockey world championship. It will be interesting and I seriously hope Sweden can defeat Russia. It would make my night and my so-far-not-the-best day in my life.

Meanwhile, as I am waiting for the game to begin, although I really only want to go to bed, I am reading German newspapers. Old ones only, because buying German newspapers or magazines is so expensive in this expensive country. It is all to prep for my exam tomorrow which you technically cannot prep for. The exam seeks to assess our writing skills and if there has been any improvements at all. The bar is raised and a few mistakes are less likely to be tolerated. To summarize a Swedish text auf Deutsch might seem a piece of cake and a dance on roses, but from my experience it really isn't. So I will be using all of those four hours to my advantage and my Duden Wörterbuch (we are allowed a dictionary but it has to be either a Swedish-Swedish or German-German dictionary). Although a dictionary might seem to be a bit unfair to have and a huge helping hand, it might not once you are prohibited to have one in both languages. We will see how it all goes.

So at the moment, as dinner is slowly getting ready and there is only twenty minutes left till the game begins, I have the German version of "Jolie", Focus, Die Zeit and Fragen & Antworten by my side. Passive learning - it could be the key to everything (when it comes to learning languages).

I'll be going on my gut feeling tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Study Habits

I wasted my whole Sunday on Facebook, Skype and Spotify. I even watched some movies. All of this instead of writing and working on my paper. So now I have to get real and meet the deadline, which happens to be today.

What I have noticed though, is that when I study I need a lot of brightness and sun in a room to give me energy, a high ceiling for my thoughts to grow, a white room which is more neutral and spacious so that I won't feel so confined, a big desk with lots of space I do not wish to use in order for my body to feel at ease instead of claustrophobic or for my work to be observed by my neighbor. (I am sure there is supposed to be a comma somewhere in that sentence, but it would not fit in artistically because I want you to feel the anxiety that confined working areas give me.) Back to the topic ® That is really hard to succumb in our flat. It is so tiny and the biggest desk is the kitchen table. So for nine hours of intense work, I did some minor changes in the kitchen...

I will just have to keep my head looking straight forward to the garden outside and pretend I have as much space around me as I wish I did. And look at the sky in front of me and pretend that that is my roof and not the ceiling lamp hanging right on top of my head. Or that the building outside the window is not an obstruct that might potentially cause me to encounter a drought. 

It would not surprise me if I later in life started decorating my own home according to the rules of Fengshui.

I am already getting rid of the clock in the kitchen because I hear it ticking, but mostly because Amelia tells me to.

Click to see what I am talking about: http://www.amelia.se/halsa1-23611/Inred-ditt-hem-med-feng-shui



UPDATE (1406):
I just rewrote my whole thesis because I found it too short and boring. Now it's twice as long and seems a bit more interesting and academic than my first draft of my thesis. However, there are five remaining chapters left waiting to be written. Thankfully I have three pages scribbled down with notes about classical music during the Third Reich, now I just need to turn them into complete sentences and make it work to my advantage.
Meanwhile I am trying to get myself motivated to write this paper and so far dolphin sounds, waves and underwater bubbles bubbling (= Ocean Melodies) have done the trick. Unfortunately it has started to ware out and I wonder what type of music I will need for my next chapter.

UPDATE (1514):

Surely a small break is something I am worth. However, I always reluctantly spoil myself and now I have ended up procrastinating for the past hour. During that hour I; checked Facebook, logged in to the student portal to check if my grade for the syntax course had been posted, ate two different biscuits, had a glass of water, searched for some new study music other than dolphins and nature calling in a language I do not speak and ended up finding a Vivaldi playlist (1h long) that was unbearable because it was remixed, and now I am provlyssna:ing (some Swenglish for you) some playlists on stereomood. It is pretty good once you've settled for one list and stick to it, unlike me who switches lists after every fourth song.

Link: http://www.stereomood.com/

UPDATE (1834):
It appears to me that silence is the best music for studying. Had I been working on this paper two years ago, music would have been vital for me to actually get homework done. However, I guess my love for music has grown so much that I simply cannot ignore it whilst doing something else. Not even if I am reading a book. Perhaps when I draw and sketch, but it has been a while since I could enjoy that on my leisure time.
Soon the second part, or chapter actually, of my paper is done. Next up I will be dealing with Orff's Carmina Burana. Hopefully I will have enough to say about it. And then move on to Beethoven's 9th Symphony. Then that should do it, I will send in what I have ready to my professor, do something else for a change, perhaps bother to start attaching foot notes, source and bibliography. Or get back on Facebook...
The discussion and the conclusion can wait till Friday AFTER I have my next Beratungsgespräch.
Ja wohl! I better get back to my paper before the sun disappears, because once it does - I won't have the energy to (or be bothered to) write anymore.

UPDATE (2003):
Silence works no more for me. And my stomach is growling. Not to mention my huge and ridiculous cravings for chocolate.
Two more hours to go and then it's deadline time.

Thomas Mann + Richard Wagner

Heute Abend werde ich den Literatur-Unterricht teilnehmen. Hab schon "Tristan" von Thomas Mann gelesen. Erstes Mal hatte ich nichts verstanden, da ich todmüde und auf einem Zug nach Stockholm war. Ich hatte, zum zweiten Mal, gestern früh am Morgen das Buch noch wieder gelesen, und dann, plötzlich alles verstanden.

Und jetzt, als ich die Fragen Kataloge vorbereite, hör ich zu Wagners Oper "Tristan und Isolde", die ich noch nie gehört hab. Obwohl es schwer ist zu hören, was Tristan, Isolde und die anderen singen, hab ich das Libretto auf'm Internet gefunden. Das Liebestod ist schön aber am schönsten ist immer "Unsere Liebe heißt es nicht Tristan und Isolde?".

Ich will etwas mit Nachdruck sagen, und zwar, es ist, dass Romeo und Juliet nichts gegen Tristan und Isolde haben. (Wenn man sich auf dieser Weise ausdrücken kann.) Bevor Romeo und Juliet, gab es schon Tristan und Isolde, die ein schönere Liebe und Geschichte haben.

Ich bin Pro Tistan und Isolde!

Unter dem Video gibt es einen Auszug von dem Zweiter Auszug Wagners Tristan und Isolde. Er bedeckt "Unsere Liebe heißt es nicht Tristan und Isolde?" und "Habet Acht! Habet Acht!".

ISOLDE.

Doch – unsre Liebe,

heißt sie nicht Tristan

und – Isolde?

Dies süße Wörtlein: und,

was es bindet,

der Liebe Bund,

wenn Tristan stürb,

zerstört es nicht der Tod?

TRISTAN.

Was stürbe dem Tod,

als was uns stört,

was Tristan wehrt,

Isolde immer zu lieben,

ewig ihr nur zu leben?

ISOLDE.

Doch, dieses Wörtlein: und,

wär es zerstört,

wie anders als

mit Isoldes eig'nem Leben

wär Tristan der Tod gegeben?

Tristan zieht, mit bedeutungsvoller Gebärde, Isolde sanft an sich.

TRISTAN.

So starben wir,

um ungetrennt,

ewig einig

ohne End',

ohn Erwachen,

ohn Erbangen,

namenlos

in Lieb' umfangen,

ganz uns selbst gegeben,

der Liebe nur zu leben!

ISOLDE wie in sinnender Entrücktheit zu ihm aufblickend.

So stürben wir,

um ungetrennt –

TRISTAN.

ewig einig

ohne End –,

ISOLDE.

ohn Erwachen –

TRISTAN.

ohn Erbangen –,

BEIDE.

namenlos

in Lieb' umfangen,

ganz uns selbst gegeben,

der Liebe nur zu leben!

Isolde neigt wie überwältigt das Haupt an seine Brust.

BRANGÄNES STIMME wie vorher.

Habet Acht!

Habet Acht!

Schon weicht dem Tag die Nacht!

TRISTAN lächelnd zu ihr geneigt.

Soll ich lauschen?

ISOLDE schwärmerisch zu ihm aufblickend.

Laß mich sterben!

TRISTAN ernster.

Muß ich wachen?

ISOLDE bewegter.

Nie erwachen!

TRISTAN drängender.

Soll der Tag

noch Tristan wecken?

ISOLDE begeistert.

Laß den Tag

dem Tode weichen!

TRISTAN.

Soll der Tod

mit seinen Streichen

ewig uns

den Tag verscheuchen?

ISOLDE.

Der uns vereint,

den ich dir bot,

laß ihm uns weihn,

dem süßen Tod!

Mußte er uns

das eine Tor,

an dem wir standen, verschließen;

zu der rechten Tür,

die uns Minne erkor

hat sie den Weg nun gewiesen.

TRISTAN.

Des Tages Dräuen

nun trotzten wir so?

ISOLDE mit wachsender Begeisterung.

Seinem Trug ewig zu fliehn.

TRISTAN.

Sein dämmernder Schein

verscheuchte uns nie?

ISOLDE mit großer Gebärde ganz sich erhebend.

Ewig wär uns die Nacht!

BEIDE.

O ew'ge Nacht,

süße Nacht!

Hehr erhab'ne

Liebesnacht!

Wen du umfangen,

wem du gelacht,

wie wär ohne Bangen

aus dir er je erwacht?

Nun banne das Bangen,

holder Tod,

sehnend verlangter

Liebestod!

In deinen Armen,

dir geweiht,

urheilig Erbarmen,

von Erwachens Not befreit!

Wie sie fassen,

wie sie lassen,

diese Wonne,

fern der Sonne,

fern der Tage

Trennungsklage!

Ohne Wähnen,

sanftes Sehnen;

ohne Bangen,

süß Verlangen;

ohne Wehen

hehr Vergehen;

ohne Schmachten

hold Umnachten;

ohne Meiden,

ohne Scheiden,

traut allein,

ewig heim,

in ungemess'nen Räumen

übersel'ges Träumen. –

ISOLDE.

Du Isolde,

Tristan ich,

nicht mehr Isolde!

TRISTAN.

Du Tristan,

Isolde ich,

nicht mehr Tristan!

BEIDE.

Ohne Nennen,

ohne Trennen,

neu Erkennen,

neu Entbrennen;

endlos ewig

ein-bewußt:

heiß erglühter Brust,

höchste Liebeslust!

Sie verbleiben in verzückter Stellung.

Otto Weininger + Geschlecht und Charakter

1.50AM...

I need to read the whole Geschlecht und Charakter this summer, and Sengoopta's book on Otto Weininger too. Two hours at Stadsbiblioteket was not enough, and for a Referat that is not allowed to take up a whole lesson: I could only restrict myself to read certain excerpts and chapters.

From head to toe: Papers from my professor, Geschlecht und Charakter: eine prinzipielle Untersuchung von O. Weininger, Otto Weininger: Sex, Science, and Self in Imperial Vienna by C. Sengoopta, Eros und Psyche von O. Weininger.

So interesting. But seriously..?
Der war ja irgendwie e-c-h-t verrückt!


Anyways...
Presentation for tomorrow = almost done.

We are our choices

...so what do I want to be tonight and in the future?

What I want to do:
-I want to get changed to my PJ's and cuddle up in my Sthlm Uni hoodie, with ice-cream, Pepsi and my water bottle (and some delicious Greek olives would be awesome as well!). More precisely I would like to curl up on the sofa and watch Grey's Anatomy and the O.C., which I have on DVD. I want to watch Grey's Anatomy with French subtitles because it doesn't have any German subtitles. Then I would like to watch the O.C. with German subtitles and maybe even with the German dub. I just want to be a couch potato for a change and learn these two damn languages (Deutsch & Français) passively - like when we were children. (Interjection: I am slightly annoyed with my parents for not teaching me their mother tongues. I would have had four languages down by now... Although I can at least understand Tagalog and sort of speak it.)

Anyways back to the topic....

What I should be doing:

-SYNTAX! And lots of it and basically German 24-7. And how is that working out for me? ...Not at all. Well, I at least have tons of chocolate and classes start at 1pm tomorrow. A bit of procrastination maybe?

I'm so screwed.

Ins Deutsche

Sunday night. I want to sleep. Not allowed to though.

Why?
Translation class tomorrow.

...but I'm not complaining - it is one of my favorite classes!

Gute Noten!

Zuerst: Englisch oder Deutsch? Eigentlich schreibe ich am liebsten auf Englisch - ABER! muss dagegen alle die anderen Sprachen üben. Hab mich entscheidet, dass ich weiter auf meinem Erasmusblog (Heidelberger Studentenkuss) auf Deutsch schreiben kann. Dann bleiben noch zwei Sprachen übrig... (Schwedisch und Französisch - die zweite vielleicht noch nicht!)

Dieses Mal auf Deutsch (weil der Titel schon auf dieser Sprache geschrieben ist). Ja, also... Ich habe eine Hausarbeit für SLA (=Second Language Acquisition/Fremdsprachenlehrung) geschrieben und vor zwei Monate sie eingereicht. Wie lange hat es gedauert, bis ich zumindest eine Antwort bekam? Zwei Monate. Das heißt, dass ich seit zwei Monate beunruhigt war und Angst vor keiner Antwort hatte. Muss da einwerfen, wie ich auch zwei E-Mails ohne Antworten geschrieben hab (während diesen zwei Monate).
Scheiße wars für mich diese ganze Zeit! Da ich wirklich nicht zufrieden war mit meiner Hausarbeit, war es mir fast klar (irgendwie psychisch in meinem Kopf), dass die Arbeit nicht bestanden würde. Ich hatte alles so schnell geschrieben, hatte immer neue interessante Topics gefunden, über mehr und mehr Information gestolpert, tiefere und plötzlich viel mehr Diskussionen angefangen... Oh Mann! Ich werde noch wieder kaputt, wenn ich daran denke. Irgendwie ist es mir gelungen, eine gute Note zu bekommen. Whoopie! Ich fass auch nicht wie, weil ich sicherlich ab und zu den roten Faden verliert hatte. Der Doktor hat aber die Arbeit als interessante Beobachtung und Ideen kommentiert, und daher mir eine gute Note gegeben.

Nun kann ich mich verschnaufen! Das anglistische Seminar an meiner Uni wird froh, endlich die "Transcript of Records" zu bekommen.
Ach ja! Diese Hausarbeit war für meinen Kurs in Heidelberg. Dann könnt ihr euch vorstellen, wie groß meine Angst war...

Sunshine on my shoulders make me happy

Okej! Solsken kan verkligen göra min dag. Jag var (för prick två veckor sedan) sjukt deppig men efter fyra dagar sken solen så himla starkt och vackert att det ändrade allt. Jag blev glad och kände att livet kommer att lösa sig - allt kommer att bli bra. Och sedan den dagen så har solen skinit typ varje dag, om inte hela dagen då har det åtminstone varit för några timmar. Bianca är fortfarande sjukt glad och pepp på livet (kanske lite mindre just nu men det beror ju på uni) DOCK har jag inte läst ikapp mig på syntax eller litteratur kursen. Inte bra, inte okej...

Men hur har man tänkt sig att jag ska kunna göra det när solen skiner och Spotify spelar mina solskenslåtar, mina joggingturer får mig att orka med det dagliga livet, kompisar påminner en om vilken tur man har att ha dem i sitt liv. Mmm, precis... Uni hamnar inte i ett roligt, eller för den delen, intressant sken.

I för sig, så har jag ju saker att se fram emot. Till exempel åker jag till Köpenhamn om tre veckor och 3 dagar. Eller okej, först till Malmö men sedan Köpenhamn och raka vägen home igen. Sen är det typ bara en vecka med det tråkiga dagliga livet och då kommer några Heidelberg-ansikten på besök i Stockholm. Sen får vi se om jag lyckas ta mig någon annan stans veckan därpå - I sure hope so!

Fast någon gång måste man ju ta tag i skitet, bita ihop och bara försöka orka. Nu ska vi se hur jag lyckas med det idag.

It's hard to get back up on that horse!

So this past week has been a bit rough. I haven't been able to go to bed until about 2am. Well... it started off with 2am and now I'm going to bed at 3am. I need to get a grip and get better and more disciplined, because I am going to be my own downfall.

Speaking of downfall, for unexplained reasons I keep getting up at 10 or 11am. I sit in my PJs until I have to go somewhere. I pull out my syntax books and etc. but never touch them. I spend hours and hours on Spotify and Facebook just doing nothing. I stare at my profile for hours and delete and add things, trying to keep a nice balance between privacy and sharing stuff with friends. And then the sun comes out and I get so mad that I am indoors and in Sweden. I want to travel and I want to see the whole freaking world. More like nature actually - anyways! Yesterday I was wondering where to travel to next and for my empty slouch at the end of March I found really cheap tickets to the south of Sweden. I am going to go visit my friend Ivona in Malmö and we will be taking a day in Copenhagen. YAY! So now I'm all excited about it. I've also been looking at tickets to Sheffield because I want to visit Hamad before he graduates and moves to like Uzbekistan or something. I would even like to visit him in Uzbekistan actually. So many places I want to see!!!

BACK to reality. I'm in the kitchen and loving the sun that is shining like crazy, it's even melted the snow and now there's only ice. And that is very awesome because jogging on ice is one of the best things I know. Jogging in winter when there's tons of snow is also one of the best things I know. So here I go! Hopefully my knee won't go bye-bye on me...

Hah! So typical me: "Hmm a bit of stretching or something so that my iPod is fully loaded, and a snapshot!"
Therefor, the picture...

Oh! and Hamad, the next rap video is on it's way - by the end of this weekend. Promise.

How do I do it?

Right! Life has stopped giving me FML-moments and is actually turning towards the better. Unfortunately my studies aren't doing the same. I actually let time disappear like quicksand just by staring at this damn computer screen - and doing what? Nothing.

I stalk about on facebook, watch various TV shows, get stuck on youtube clips and watch almost every related video or new vlogs by cool and funny people. What is my life? And I'm supposed to be studying 100% here and earning my degree...

At least I got some stuff done at the library but not enough to catch up for my syntax class and that is one class I can't afford to be behind in. Unfortunately....

Things better change. Well, not them - me actually!

Some times Erasmus ain't too sweet

Bianca, a proud and happy (not to mention relieved girl), sent her term paper to Dr. hm-hm for more than a week ago. Has she gotten any feed-back or confirmation of having recieved the damn term paper!? NO!
Am I getting nervous!? YES!
Will the department of English be pissed with me!? PROBABLY!!!

I did not read these books for fun...

...to write a term paper on a semi-boring topic.

FML - and this time I mean it!

So that feeling we always describe as "the world going under"... Well I'm having it right now.
Here's why:

1. Last night I met someone! During our encounter I was a bit shocked and shy that I was actually speaking to this person that I was barely paying attention to what he said and wasn't listening well enough. I wasn't even expecting to still be crushing on this person because it's been a bit too long since we met in person and we have both already entered new chapters in our separate lives. After the encounter, I felt worse because talking to him made me like him even more and the fact that we aren't even living in the same area made reality come and slap me in the face. It always has to be complicated doesn't it?
2. Then after the session I was going to bed, totally excited about the first swim lesson I was gonna have the day after. So I did the usual routine and washed my face, brushed my teeth, etc. Looked in the mirror and remembered that I wanted to wax my upper lip (although there was nothing there) because I suffer from some perfectionist syndrome and I want to be perfect even though I know it is fully impossible and ridiculous because I never feel better when I try - and who am I even doing it for!? No one who can appreciate it! Well faith came and slapped me in the face again, because apparently my skin was a bit too dry so the wax caught a hold of approximately 1,5cm of skin on both sides and ripped it with the almost-non-existing hair... Hello mustache made out of flesh and all pink, sore and raw. It looks like I have a pink Clark Gable mustache! (For those who don't know what a his mustache looks like check out this site and you'll see what I mean.)
   
3. So because of the raw skin I can't even go swimming because the chlorine probably will infect it and it will hurt like hell. I don't need it to get any redder than it already is! Or prolong it's healing process...
4. I went to the pharmacy to try and find some miracle cream. I didn't have much time as I needed to study before this only class I have for today. So I ran to the first pharmacist I saw and asked for help. Her expression... "Oh, that's pretty bad!" Thanks. Like I wasn't aware of that already... She gave me a cream called Hyderm and apparently it should all be fixed and gone in a couple of days - so I'm hoping latest Thursday night. Anyways, I go home and read the "directions for use" AFTER I dabbed the damn cream on my wounds and there it was: not to be used on open wounds. WTF?!
5. After I finally calmed down and before leaving for uni, I decided to check things out at the student portal. Only to see (15mins before I really have to leave) that we had homework for our first class and it's some three paged thingy on Barnen i Bullerbyn. That was it... I unpacked my bag took off my shoes and signed in to the blog and I shared my first shit day of 2012.

I think it's fair to now say: FML!

First post in the year 2012

I think 2012 has to be a better year. So far 2012 has started off pretty well for me, and I think it might stay that way and get better for each month. I hope so at least. I remember last year and it started out all crappy and was a complete roller coaster too early on in the year. Good and bad memories though with many experiences and travels.

My new year's resolution is to go for it. Whatever it is: I'm going for it! I need to get back to the same ambitious Bianca who had dreams and plans. I still do but I need to get more active; dare a bit more. So here it goes.. Bianca is going to take risks. I usually never do, I always play on the safe side, keep emotions safe, regret certain things I never took a chance at but not this year. (I'm going for it!)

So...
Resolution no. one: the SLA term paper will be done by latest Wednesday the 11th of January.
Resolution no. two: I will save up money and travel as much as I can this summer.
Resolution no. three: I will apply for my last Erasmus in hopes of ending up in Berlin fall 2012.
Resolution no. four: I will be a better student and give it my very all this semester!
Resolution no. five: I'm just gonna go for it when it comes to anything and everything..

This should do right? Let's make it a heck of a year!

French...

I took up a new language. Well not so new because I did study this language before but it was basically nothing and I have to basically start from scratch. The language is french! (Quelle surprise, n'est pas vrai?) I love my teacher. She's so sweet and very well educated: two PhD s and she's still as interested in her program as she was before. Hopefully I'll get it going very soon. Now I finally have winter break so I can take my time to learn all the damn verbs and conjugations so that I get it done. Actually I have a visual dictionary for French-German, and I think it is time for this girl to put out post-its in her room and in some rooms so that my vocab will grow. Especially for German. I think I might die next semester. So much literature and I don't even know if I've passed the remaining exams yet. Sigh! What a life right?
I also need to get rid of my Tuesdays because next semester I'll be having classes every Monday and Tuesday. And each Tuesday I work but no can do no more...

On to other things: I met Louise today who is home for Christmas break. Felt like it had been ages but it was so lovely to see her again. Hopefully we can squish another meeting before she leaves for the UK. Then we might be seeing each other some time soon again because I am definitely thinking about visting London and Sheffield next year, some time in March. I just need to save up that money which at the moment WAS going well but then Christmas times it is, so one word: PRESENTS!

I'm so nasty tired that I'm about to fall asleep here... Right early night it shall be!

Bises mes puces

Christmas shopping

So today I went einkaufen for some Christmas presents and found some awesome presents for my mom. She gets three this year, pricey but enough I would assume.

First present is an alarm clock because her current one has sort of broken down. This is one that is very much alike the Philips "wake-up light". It has a radio so she will definitely be getting up in time for work and I no longer need to lend out my own clock.
Second present is a perfume box from the Body Shop: White Musk Libertine. I think she'll be liking that one a lot, besides she gets to smell wonderful!
Third but not the least, I found the most incredible thing ever! Each Christmas I go to a retail store that sells Elizabeth Arden's products and ask for the body lotion for Red Door (my mom's favorite fragrance). Each year it is a no because they stopped manufacturing it. BUT this year I thought I might as well try and had a feeling that I might not be disappointed - which I so was not. And Bianca finally managed to get her mom her favorite body lotion ever, which will be such a surprise for her (assuming that she herself has not found the lotion before I did).

Awesome! Now I just have to figure out what to do for her birthday or what to give... (Her birthday is three days after Christmas eve. Fitting for the wallet!)

Other than that today has been great! I am finally done with all my exams, handed in my essay to the department of English, done with Christmas shopping and I hung out with Ida this whole afternoon. We drank some coffee, did some Christmas shopping, walked about and we most importantly saw that Twilight movie (Breaking Dawn - part 1). Eeeh... that movie was okay. I was a bit put off with how it was made but there were some great scenes. It will be interesting when the second part is released and then it will also finally be over! YES!!!


What I recently noticed as well, is that at this time one year ago I was heading off to a certain someone's place to watch a movie but actually I was planning on spending the night, which I did, which was one of the most amazing nights in my life... I kind of miss that feeling. Hopefully that same feeling will come around again, I doubt that it won't.

Someone is going down and I don't want it to be me!

Seriously? Seriously!!!

I am the crappiest student right now because I can't even be bothered to study for my last exam, which is one of the toughest exams so far. Try a German lit-course in German, with 10 German books written from 1945 until 1999. Everything having to do with history and a whole bunch of Freud analyses. (A lot about the interpreattion of dreams, which I wish I had read since it's sitting there on my bookshelf. Had I read it already, I would've rocked that class but no...)

Anyways, you discuss in German, read in German, the professor speaks in German, the lit-terms are all in German, Freud is discussed auf Deutsch auch. So much German but I love it, however, perhaps not at the moment because I feel completely fried. And next semester is like right around the corner. Not to mention that my whole Christmas break is gonna be devoted to my last Hausarbeit (like a term paper; this one will be on 15+ pages, because 15 is the minimum yet extra credits are much need for this young girl so page it up..). It will be about Second Language Acquisition, a topic free of choice and I was wondering if I should write about SLA for bilingual people especially in my age, because taking up a third language can be super easy yet (as I've noticed with my German) your L2 could ruin your L1 (L1s in my situation and all other bilingual beings). So I feel a bit excited about that, since the topics are super interesting! Yay! And if I do it quick enough, I just might get some Christmas break. Woohoo!

One thing to look forward to: Christmas shopping with Ida on Wednesday after my last exam for this semester!!!

P.S. Essay on "Carnivalesque and the bodies in Angela Carter's Wise Children": check!!!
7 pages ought to be enough to get me the rest of those 2 ECTS for Heidelberg, I hope?