In sickness and in health

Lately I've been stuck in my room for multiple reasons, but the most relevant reason is due to my cold. It had a good timing since I didn't miss any of my German classes this week, however, I did miss out on my tennis class (turned out that it was shit according to one of my course mates, they got a substitute since our teacher Eugine/Yevgny/"some Lithuanian or Belarussian name" was sick too. Is there even a word such as Belarussian? Sorry, I meant adjective. Obviously.). But thanks to my waterbottle, me filling it up every hour and running to the bathroom every end of an hour, I think I've gotten most of the virus out of my body. I'm feeling pretty good though; no coughs and just a slightly clogged nose. This should mean that I can go play tennis with Catherine on Sunday. Catherine is Swiss and is here for a semester, unless she's already been here since January, and studies Swedish. Pretty cool since I always think that nobody wants to learn Swedish. Apparently the Germans and Swiss people do! (See, that's why I like the German language and people!!)

Anyways. even though I'm feeling loads better I still can't focus on homework. I've been trying to study French the whole day long but haven't done shit until now. And at the moment, I'm even taking a break after one hour. My teacher thought it would be good if I faire un résumé sur les trois séquences A, B et C, which I find really boring because when I try to write a summary I end up using the same verbs and it just ends up looking like plagiarism, and we are being taught at uni to not plagiarize. I've heard teachers nag about that since I was studying at Heidelberg and all that German scandal broke out in the media.

What else? Well, whilst being sick I have been a very good sport. Despite the cold I managed to clean the flat, iron every piece of garment left in the clean-laundry basket, bake cinnamon rolls (4th of October = cinnamon Roll Day! ...at least in Sweden, it is.), recycle and pay (more) bills. I even managed to cook some awesome dinner and lunch. Oh yeah! This sick girl is on fire.

Maybe I should get back to mes devoirs.
Bisous!

Am Ende kommt die Dekadenz, aber kommt der Vitalismus auch?

So this semester has been spiraling to become my own decadence. I have been reading about it for the past 6 months and now it seems like these books have been trying to point something out to me. My only question is if vitalism will also be happening some time very soon?

Why decadence? Because that's the best way to define how I have been feeling these past weeks (actually months) and how everything I have hoped for has turned out. The Zerfall of me seems to have taken place, slowly if not quick and hard. So... Decadence because I relate to the female characters that Arthur Schnitzler and Thomas Mann, even Theodor Storm and Gerhart Hauptmann to some extent, have depicted. Because had I been any of the women in Fräulein Else and Tristan, I would have done exactly what they did and their deaths are to me (in a pretty twisted way) beautiful. I can also imagine myself being a femme fragile during the Fin de siècle, on second thought: I probably was a femme fragile in my past life and still am in this life. No wonder why I am fascinated by Freud, Weininger and the philosophy and theory about hysteria and most intriguingly the Geschlechterdebatte. The (Zer)Fall der Frau never seems to bore me and the beauty of their deaths and their thoughts and hysteria are all pretty captivating. (This is probably giving you all the wrong image of me, I am not agreeing with men being the better sex or even the stronger sex, should that be an image you have of me now. I am just fascinated with the decadence and the fin de siècle.) My own feelings have been pretty dark and pessimistic lately, and very similar to the women described in the books I have read. My faith has seemed to wish the worst for me and all I feel is that I am slowly falling into my own modern decadence. Words can't quite describe how bad it all seems to have turned out right now, and frankly, I think everyone is better off not knowing.

Contributions to my decadence: The topic love. How one believes that a romance can regress to friendship, is completely impossible for me to understand. I have tried to understand, and even tried to put it in practice. Results are distressing and to no one's shock, very maddening. Ever heard of "meet me halfway"? Instead of being the only one trying to make an effort and trying to make it work out with respect for the other, without ripping up old wounds, both need to equally contribute to the phony friendship they are trying to maintain. Never ever try to be friends with an old flame - it won't work, at least not to both's benefit.
Another contribution to my decadence is education. As much as I thought I knew what I was doing, apparently I don't. I am basically drowning in a wide-open sea with the darkest tone of black as water. Let's call it (pure*) turpentine instead, because as transparent as turpentine is I apparently manage to fail and be blind to myself. I tend to always lose myself and get lost in the academic world - sometimes I wonder what I am even doing in it.
One of the least expected contributions is ice hockey. I have no idea why I am suddenly so obsessed with this sport and when Sweden didn't even qualify for the semi-finals my heart felt very heavy. What could ice hockey even substitute? In my life, I cannot find anything that could to the slightest bit be associated to ice hockey. Nevertheless, I have seriously considered becoming an ice hockey wife. Not that I am sure what it would require of me or what that lifestyle is like - I just know that ice hockey has been the only uplifting thing in my life this year. The one thing I have been looking forward to and that has nearly become my bible. However, (as I previously mentioned) the loss against the Czech Republic was a hard loss to accept. And how unexpected is it that Slovakia slid in on second place? I never really saw them coming.
One of the last contributions is funerals. I hate them, not that I think anybody loves them, but I cannot deal with loss. I do not know what to do, how to react, what to say... What I really can't deal with is acknowledging someone's death. Uttering the words, letting it slip out of my mouth to become reality is the hardest thing for me to do and accept. And I never react until it is time for the funeral, because that is the last evidence of death that is slapped across your face. I tend to pretend like death never happens, however, it's hard to pretend once you see a coffin and hear the sobs of family members. Although I wasn't close to my aunt's husband, he was still a part of our family tree. My sorrow was more for my aunt and a part of my disappointment for choosing not to attend the funeral, something I believe is one of my many mistakes in life.

Und wann kommt der Vitalismus? In literature and in Fin de siècle, vitalism came after the fall (in the books, the death of the women) in form of a new life, a new beginning (in the books, they were all in the form of babies). This semester is finally coming to an end. One week left with one exam and a presentation to go. I need to pull it off, one way or another. Then summer vacation begins, something I have been looking forward to very much. So hopefully this summer will act as my Vitalismus. I will be needing it badly.


*If turpentine isn't pure then it has a yellow-brownish color and a very characteristic smell to it. Therefor, I needed to distinguish which type of turpentine I was talking about.

Vive la République?

The presidential election in France is now over and they can now greet their new president François Hollande welcome and the best of luck.

I think that Hollande will be a good change. Following the election a bit too late (more like a week ago), I have not read up on the other candidates who ran for president. Perhaps I would have liked another candidate better, but having read the profiles of both Sarkozy and Hollande, I assume that as long as Sarkozy or any extreme right does not get elected - France should be better off.

Hollande's idea or goal for amending the country's economy seem very logical and fair. Reduce the class divisions and give everyone a chance to survive on their salaries: raising minimum wage is a smart move but I like his idea of installing a raised tax on large corporations and for those with an income higher than 1 million euros per year, better. Sweden removed the "förmögenhetsskatt" (= wealth tax) which I think is pretty bad since the gaps between social classes keep rising and the money is invested on the wrong things. Children and youth, that means to say recreation and education, should come first - sadly, it doesn't.

Well, if Hollande does well and fixes their economy, I believe that Sweden might learn a thing or two from the newly elected president.

Polisse

So yesterday Ida and I went to the movies and saw "Polisse". It is a really good movie that I recommend dearly. A bit tough to watch but if you have the nerves, then go for it!

As usual, all of these foreign movies that aren't commercialized well enough in Sweden, end up being aired at the Victoria cinema. It isn't that bad though since this cinema is really cosy and has such a pretty interior with small auditoriums. The highlight of last night was: we had the whol auditorium for ourselves! Crazy cool and very relaxing. Felt like being at home yet not. So Ida and I chatted away like nothing and interjected or laughed out loud whenever we wanted to without disturbing anyone. It was a really cool experience - and we concluded that we should keep watching French movies there every Wednesday night. However, expenses could get in the way and then my work (I work pretty much every Wednesday night, last night was an exception...).

Ida is officially my French friend. I mean we're both Swedish but we both study French (she, more serious than I though) and have such an interest and appreciation for their culture and art. Nice to know that I have someone to turn to when it comes to French movies and music!

Mecredi soirrrrrrr

Alors - je me réjouis d'Ida à rencontrer!

Les deux filles, Ida et (moi) Bianca, veulent aller au cinéma. C'est bon parce que à vendredi je vais avoir français avec Françoise.

Aujourd'hui j'ai écrit un petit texte sur le système éducatif dans la Suède (c'était les devoirs pour la leçon prochaine). Un peu ennuyeux mais probablement bon pour mon français!

Le film ce soir s'appelle « Polisse ». Plein d'espoir, il est bon et je vais en avoir pour mon argent!

Voila! La bande-annonce du film:

Bonne nuit!

Beach 2012 - or what am I doing?

I went jogging again! I am currently only doing small laps though because I am pretty afraid of my knee falling apart. And now that it is so sunny, I don't feel like going to any public swimming facility...

I created a new playlist for jogging in daylight, because my other one is more fitted for when it is dark. Anyways, as I returned home I ate a banana (I feel the interest hitting everyone) and decided to try a 5 minute belly fat destroyer. the video I found on Youtube and I thought it seemed interesting and now I want to put it to trial and see if it does work. Five minutes I can always spare! And if you want to too, the video is going to be embedded below.

Apart from having a nice jog in the cold and in the sun, it was very windy and I kept jogging in headwind. It made it 10x more fun and it felt like I really had to fight and that someone was pushing me to run better. Try it! I also saw the moon, which was visible to the naked eye and I think that is probably one of the most prettiest things you can see in your life.

Now it's an easy lunch with a movie: Un heureux événement.

French...

I took up a new language. Well not so new because I did study this language before but it was basically nothing and I have to basically start from scratch. The language is french! (Quelle surprise, n'est pas vrai?) I love my teacher. She's so sweet and very well educated: two PhD s and she's still as interested in her program as she was before. Hopefully I'll get it going very soon. Now I finally have winter break so I can take my time to learn all the damn verbs and conjugations so that I get it done. Actually I have a visual dictionary for French-German, and I think it is time for this girl to put out post-its in her room and in some rooms so that my vocab will grow. Especially for German. I think I might die next semester. So much literature and I don't even know if I've passed the remaining exams yet. Sigh! What a life right?
I also need to get rid of my Tuesdays because next semester I'll be having classes every Monday and Tuesday. And each Tuesday I work but no can do no more...

On to other things: I met Louise today who is home for Christmas break. Felt like it had been ages but it was so lovely to see her again. Hopefully we can squish another meeting before she leaves for the UK. Then we might be seeing each other some time soon again because I am definitely thinking about visting London and Sheffield next year, some time in March. I just need to save up that money which at the moment WAS going well but then Christmas times it is, so one word: PRESENTS!

I'm so nasty tired that I'm about to fall asleep here... Right early night it shall be!

Bises mes puces

Mais oui, c'est Yelle!

Saturday night, the 20th of November, ca 11pm, at Debaser, Medborgarplatsen, Stockholm, Sweden.


I went to go hear Yelle. It was magnificent, eccentric and f-u-n fun FUN!
To the beat: my feet stomped, my hands clapped, my head bobbed, my body jumped, my vocal folds sang, and my ears were in euphoria.

Because the guest DJ was so good too (never seen anyone as cool as her and with great choices of songs), people were already packed on the floor just giving their best and worst dances. Or perhaps not giving anything at all but just shaking off any worries or life in general - living in the now, if I am to go all cliché.

After two drinks, Mathilda and I headed to the dancefloor and joined the rest. It was awesome and really releaving; just being in the middle of the crowd and making fools of ourselves. And if we thought that we were really warmed up by then and feeling not lightly dressed at all, we were later proven wrong by Yelle.

She made everyone crazy! This petite French woman, who makes great electro-pop, got everyone so excited and hysteric. It was packed, like a can of tuna, and it was so warm, as if sweat was dripping from the roof instead of us perspiring our own sweat!

I also bumped in to two Belgians who I met via my tandem partner and friend, Jana. I thought that I wouldn't see them because there were more than 500 people, but then all of a sudden they were there in front of us - who would've known? I think there were many more that I knew there, mostly old schoolmates and acquaintances.

Conclusion: I went to bed happy and also with a stomach ache (from the double quarter pounder meal from McDo), to later wake up sleep-deprived and unfit to take on my last linguistic essay.

Oh, a fun note: the drummer stage dived!

This was the best video I could find. All her live videos weren't so great, either it wasn't HD or she sang a bit off, so it'll have to be this. She opened up with this song.