Euphoria

I am so psyched and happy that Loreen won the Eurovision Song Contest this year! That means that we (Stockholm) will be hosting next year. It HAS to be Sthlm, it is (after all) the capital. Malmö and Gothenburg has nothing against us.

I was so pumped once Eurovision started. I usually don't even care about it, but for some reason I knew that I had to watch it this year - and obviously there was a good reason for it. We didn't win the world championship in ice hockey but we won Eurovision. So I'm quite content. Had Russia won Eurovision too - well then there would have been some major issues. And had any other country: only minor issues. Loreen certainly gave our nation Euphoria though. I'm really excited about next year!

During Eurovision my mother and I exchanged interesting comments. I thought I would list them. So here they come:

Bianca's and Mom's Thoughts on Eurovision 2012

Albania - 

Bjork in disguise or her evil twin? Her looks make one think of a witch or an evil queen (especially the one who wants to kill Snow White). Nickname: The dying Swan.

UK - 

Please let Humperdinck retire! And don't ever pull that stunt again.

Italy - 

Amy Winehouse resurrected? Although the singer looks way better than Winehouse ever did. And since Italy never gave Sweden any points, they can definitely forget our potential plan of going to Rome (not that we affect their whole tourism - if only!).

Russia - 

It's like having nine versions of the witch who lured Hansel and Gretel in to her candy cottage on stage. Charming at first sight, but on second thought they have an evil master plan that involves toothless smiles and mysterious buns...

Germany - 

[Bianca] Mom, this was what I was talking about today! He looks like a less hotter version of C.

[Mom] Hmm... No. I think he looks like L when he wore that beanie.

[Bianca] What!? Omg, no! There's no similarity whatsoever.

[Bianca fishing up her cellphone and finding a picture of C] Look! So alike, just not as hot as C.

[Mom] No. I still think that L looks more like him. When he had that beanie on. By the way, C is not hotter than the singer, the singer is better than C.
[Bianca officialy annoyed] No mom. You obviously do not know what you're talking about. You haven't seen C in real life with his beanie on.

[Mom] You obviously won't accept the fact because you got stood up.

[Bianca] ...

Ireland -

[Thoughts from Jenn] It's like Nickolodeon exploded...

There were some very good songs this year. I have even made a Spotify playlist with the ones I like! (Romania, Cyprus, Norway, Italy, Denmark, Germany, Hungary,and for some reason Switzerland.)

One participant who didn't get past semi-finals was Austria. Now, I need to explain that this is a hate-love thing. Just like it is with Disco Pogo. Yet I seem to find enough love as much as hate for this "Atzen Musik" (if that is the correct term to describe Austria's song) and I can't help but have their song stuck in my head... Now get it stuck in yours so I won't have to be alone about it!

Am Ende kommt die Dekadenz, aber kommt der Vitalismus auch?

So this semester has been spiraling to become my own decadence. I have been reading about it for the past 6 months and now it seems like these books have been trying to point something out to me. My only question is if vitalism will also be happening some time very soon?

Why decadence? Because that's the best way to define how I have been feeling these past weeks (actually months) and how everything I have hoped for has turned out. The Zerfall of me seems to have taken place, slowly if not quick and hard. So... Decadence because I relate to the female characters that Arthur Schnitzler and Thomas Mann, even Theodor Storm and Gerhart Hauptmann to some extent, have depicted. Because had I been any of the women in Fräulein Else and Tristan, I would have done exactly what they did and their deaths are to me (in a pretty twisted way) beautiful. I can also imagine myself being a femme fragile during the Fin de siècle, on second thought: I probably was a femme fragile in my past life and still am in this life. No wonder why I am fascinated by Freud, Weininger and the philosophy and theory about hysteria and most intriguingly the Geschlechterdebatte. The (Zer)Fall der Frau never seems to bore me and the beauty of their deaths and their thoughts and hysteria are all pretty captivating. (This is probably giving you all the wrong image of me, I am not agreeing with men being the better sex or even the stronger sex, should that be an image you have of me now. I am just fascinated with the decadence and the fin de siècle.) My own feelings have been pretty dark and pessimistic lately, and very similar to the women described in the books I have read. My faith has seemed to wish the worst for me and all I feel is that I am slowly falling into my own modern decadence. Words can't quite describe how bad it all seems to have turned out right now, and frankly, I think everyone is better off not knowing.

Contributions to my decadence: The topic love. How one believes that a romance can regress to friendship, is completely impossible for me to understand. I have tried to understand, and even tried to put it in practice. Results are distressing and to no one's shock, very maddening. Ever heard of "meet me halfway"? Instead of being the only one trying to make an effort and trying to make it work out with respect for the other, without ripping up old wounds, both need to equally contribute to the phony friendship they are trying to maintain. Never ever try to be friends with an old flame - it won't work, at least not to both's benefit.
Another contribution to my decadence is education. As much as I thought I knew what I was doing, apparently I don't. I am basically drowning in a wide-open sea with the darkest tone of black as water. Let's call it (pure*) turpentine instead, because as transparent as turpentine is I apparently manage to fail and be blind to myself. I tend to always lose myself and get lost in the academic world - sometimes I wonder what I am even doing in it.
One of the least expected contributions is ice hockey. I have no idea why I am suddenly so obsessed with this sport and when Sweden didn't even qualify for the semi-finals my heart felt very heavy. What could ice hockey even substitute? In my life, I cannot find anything that could to the slightest bit be associated to ice hockey. Nevertheless, I have seriously considered becoming an ice hockey wife. Not that I am sure what it would require of me or what that lifestyle is like - I just know that ice hockey has been the only uplifting thing in my life this year. The one thing I have been looking forward to and that has nearly become my bible. However, (as I previously mentioned) the loss against the Czech Republic was a hard loss to accept. And how unexpected is it that Slovakia slid in on second place? I never really saw them coming.
One of the last contributions is funerals. I hate them, not that I think anybody loves them, but I cannot deal with loss. I do not know what to do, how to react, what to say... What I really can't deal with is acknowledging someone's death. Uttering the words, letting it slip out of my mouth to become reality is the hardest thing for me to do and accept. And I never react until it is time for the funeral, because that is the last evidence of death that is slapped across your face. I tend to pretend like death never happens, however, it's hard to pretend once you see a coffin and hear the sobs of family members. Although I wasn't close to my aunt's husband, he was still a part of our family tree. My sorrow was more for my aunt and a part of my disappointment for choosing not to attend the funeral, something I believe is one of my many mistakes in life.

Und wann kommt der Vitalismus? In literature and in Fin de siècle, vitalism came after the fall (in the books, the death of the women) in form of a new life, a new beginning (in the books, they were all in the form of babies). This semester is finally coming to an end. One week left with one exam and a presentation to go. I need to pull it off, one way or another. Then summer vacation begins, something I have been looking forward to very much. So hopefully this summer will act as my Vitalismus. I will be needing it badly.


*If turpentine isn't pure then it has a yellow-brownish color and a very characteristic smell to it. Therefor, I needed to distinguish which type of turpentine I was talking about.

När VM börjar ta på nerverna...

Så här ligger det till: Jag har aldrig varit en fan av ishockey. Sket i att kolla på matcher, hade ingen lust att höra om det, blev irriterad på ALLA som visade ett intresse för det. Nej, nej nej! Ishockey skulle aldrig vara på min "radar". Men sen hände något i år. Vad det var, vet jag absolut inte, men det hände i något utav den här stilen...

Någonstans kring slutet av Februari, kanske början av Mars, så bestämde jag mig för att kolla upp fotbolls EM. Hur det gick till vet jag inte riktigt heller, men en dag fick jag bara för mig det. (Det måste ha varit under den perioden då jag blev lite deppig och skoltrött.) Jag kollade upp datumen, såg att det hela inte kör igång förrän i juni. Great - dvs en evighet tills dess. Sedan var det en massa stå-hej om Melodifestivalen och vem som var bäst lämpad till att respresentera Sverige i Baku = that means Eurovision Song Contest. Mmm, det blev ju Loreen. Inte min favorit, fastän jag tycker annorlunda idag. Jag kollade upp datum och tydligen blir det om cirka två veckor - dvs. att på just den tiden ansågs det vara "en evighet" igen. Ja, sen dök VM i ishockey upp. Den 4:e maj. TV4. BOOM! Sverige vs. Norge. 3-1. Och då dök den där gnistan av "national pride" upp ur ingenstans - komiskt, då jag aldrig har känt mig svensk - men nu jävlar kom det. Äntligen! Att känna sig som "international waters" är fan inte kul. Att känna en längtan efter Finland men veta att man aldrig kommer att kunna känna sig finsk eller vara finsk, att dessutom i vissa få ögonblick i sitt liv känna sig som en filippinsk när man är på andra sidan jordklotet men aldrig kunna vara det - det suger så jädrans hårt och man skulle lika gärna kunna kalla sig Bourne Identity, eller något i den stilen. So finally, där kom den svenska andan i mig och jag blev besatt av ishockey. Jag följer VM:et väldigt troget: kollar på de matcher jag kan, skriker som en babian mot teven, diskuterar matcherna gladligen med kurs kamrater som hellre bryr sig om fotboll eller litteraturvetenskap, uppdaterar mig om ALLT i alla tidningar/hemsidor/TV-kanaler - you name it! Vill ni veta hur det hela har gått till en överdrift? När jag vaknar av väckarklockan, stänger av den, öppnar IIHF:s officiella hemsida för att kolla uppdateringarna på Power Ranking för att se om Sverige har flyttat sig upp eller ner, ser resultatet (eller inte hittar någon uppdatering), sätter väckarklockan på snooze, somnar om och skiter i allt annat som är viktigare, som t.ex. plugget och alla tentor. Bra Bianca, mycket bra.... Fan vad jag har förändrats!

Verbalt har jag nog också förändrats. Igår när det var Sverige - Ryssland (en väldig smärtsam match) flög så många svärord på en massa olika språk (eller okej, tre språk!) ur min mun. Min mamma var på väg att få ett utbrott så som jag lät. Jag kan ju förstå henne med, så jag ska inte lägga till något där. Däremot vill jag bara säga hur Ryssland har sjunkit ännu längre ner på min lista. Deras politik är ju ett skämt, men att de ska spela så fruktansvärt fult, trotts att de har sjukt duktiga spelare, är bara alldeles för lågt. Yemelin borde ha åkt ut på en gång innan Franzén fick mer oförtjänade smällar och fysiska skador från motståndarlaget (mannen fick bl.a. ta emot både en spearing och en crosschecking). Oacceptabelt Ryssland! Däremot är jag glad att Malkin (Rysslands "secret weapon") inte sjönk lika lågt som sina lagkamrater utan höll sig till sina strålande skott. Visst är det riktigt surt att vi förlorade 7-3 och att matchen spirade ur som den gjorde, men jag tror att problemet ligger egentligen inte i att Ryssland vann och vi förlora, utan att de spelade fult och "under bordet". Jag ska inte ens börja diskutera domarna - det kommer sluta med en "rage attack". Sen kan man nog inte skylla allt på Ryssland. Sverige började starkt och dominant, men givetvis tappar vi energin och så snabbt motståndarlaget tar ledningen (och det här har jag faktiskt lagt märke till även om de inte tar ledningen) får Tre Kronor någon sorts hysteri! Mot slutet blev det många skott, som jag personligen tyckte var onödiga bara för att man visste att de inte skulle tjäna till något och att målvakten skulle stoppa den, och mycket ofokuserat spel. Vi såg ut som katter ute på djupt vatten - inte okej. Vi kunde ha varit bättre men när det gäller Ryssland så är det som vi önskar hade varit bättre ibland det bästa vi har. Synd var det mest om Franzén, men glad var jag när han gav igen - jag menar, måste vi alltid vara så försiktiga och lagom? Vid slutet av dagen är det ju ändå hockey. Pucklar de på oss, borde vi ge tillbaks lika hårt.

En annan spelare jag tyckte synd om var Viktor Fasth. Sju insläppta mål måste vara svårt att ta in och idag gav han igen (även om det var Italien) genom att inte släppa in några alls. Däremot är det som sagt Italien de mötte idag - ingen kommentar. Dock var Sverige lite sega i början och lite borta verkade det som, men segern var naturligtvis vår och till kvartsfinal kommer vi, förhoppningsvis även lite längre (vad sägs som final?). Men att ta ut segern i förskott är alltid dumt. Något jag tycker att Niklas Wikegård inte håller med om. Idag när han kommentera sa han med all säkerhet att vi skulle slå Tjeckien, ta oss till semifinal och dessutom final. Och sen tyckte jag faktiskt att det lät som om han sa att vi skulle vinna hela rubbet. Inte för att vi inte vill, för det vill vi ju, men att kaxa så pass mycket i för väg är inte alltid så smart. För när man får äta upp sina ord, är inte det det trevligaste.


Men för att avsluta det hela på en positiv ton: HEJJA TRE KRONOR!!! VI KOMMER ATT KLARA DET OCH KOMMA TILLBAKS STARKA OCH FOKUSERADE!

Bild från DN 30:e mars 2011.

Nu blir det bums in i sängen. Sömnlös tjej här...

Prepping for an exam you cannot prep for

Today has come down to the point when I have received my first massive head ache in ages. Tomorrow will be my second exam and another study session for our oral literature exam the following days. Tonight, however, is the game between Sweden and Russia: yes folks, I'm talking about ice hockey world championship. It will be interesting and I seriously hope Sweden can defeat Russia. It would make my night and my so-far-not-the-best day in my life.

Meanwhile, as I am waiting for the game to begin, although I really only want to go to bed, I am reading German newspapers. Old ones only, because buying German newspapers or magazines is so expensive in this expensive country. It is all to prep for my exam tomorrow which you technically cannot prep for. The exam seeks to assess our writing skills and if there has been any improvements at all. The bar is raised and a few mistakes are less likely to be tolerated. To summarize a Swedish text auf Deutsch might seem a piece of cake and a dance on roses, but from my experience it really isn't. So I will be using all of those four hours to my advantage and my Duden Wörterbuch (we are allowed a dictionary but it has to be either a Swedish-Swedish or German-German dictionary). Although a dictionary might seem to be a bit unfair to have and a huge helping hand, it might not once you are prohibited to have one in both languages. We will see how it all goes.

So at the moment, as dinner is slowly getting ready and there is only twenty minutes left till the game begins, I have the German version of "Jolie", Focus, Die Zeit and Fragen & Antworten by my side. Passive learning - it could be the key to everything (when it comes to learning languages).

I'll be going on my gut feeling tomorrow. Wish me luck!

i heart BBC Horizon

So first there was Cinema Politica, and then came all of the documentaries on TV. And now? BBC Horizon.
I love documentaries like the ones available on BBC Horizon's YouTube channel.

Currently, I am watching a documentary about dogs (The Secret Life of the Dog) and it is mind blowing to learn what intelligent creatures they are. Also, what they contribute to your life. However, an ice hockey game is starting now so I have to pause the documentary and run and route for Sweden. The opponent: Germany. And I have just heard that Sweden made a goal. So I really have to go ASAP!!!

She has become a sports fanatic

Out of nowhere, just like that, and I am expecting Sweden to win IIHF WC, Eurovision and by some miracle this year's EUFA championship. Although I know that EUFA will not be won by Sweden. You never know though, a miracle might happen - a bit of Das Wunder von Bern wouldn't hurt.

So, evidence that I have turned in to a sports fanatic can be seen in the pictures below:

I rest my case.

P.S. I would just like to add something: Sweden beat Denmark 6-4. Nice ey?

Vive la République?

The presidential election in France is now over and they can now greet their new president François Hollande welcome and the best of luck.

I think that Hollande will be a good change. Following the election a bit too late (more like a week ago), I have not read up on the other candidates who ran for president. Perhaps I would have liked another candidate better, but having read the profiles of both Sarkozy and Hollande, I assume that as long as Sarkozy or any extreme right does not get elected - France should be better off.

Hollande's idea or goal for amending the country's economy seem very logical and fair. Reduce the class divisions and give everyone a chance to survive on their salaries: raising minimum wage is a smart move but I like his idea of installing a raised tax on large corporations and for those with an income higher than 1 million euros per year, better. Sweden removed the "förmögenhetsskatt" (= wealth tax) which I think is pretty bad since the gaps between social classes keep rising and the money is invested on the wrong things. Children and youth, that means to say recreation and education, should come first - sadly, it doesn't.

Well, if Hollande does well and fixes their economy, I believe that Sweden might learn a thing or two from the newly elected president.

IIHF WC 2012

I have no idea where the inner ice-hockey interested Bianca in me emerged from. All I know is that it is here: now! I had a lovely day with co-workers. We had dinner at a co-workers new house and she made some awesome and exotic food (Pakistani food) and I basically acquired a food baby. No joke!

Anyways, I got home at around 9:45pm meaning that I have missed about 1,5hrs of tonight's game between Sweden and the Czech Republic. However, that was okay because I was there for two of the goals that Sweden scored. And just like yesterday, Sweden brings in a second victory: 4-1. Hopefully we'll stay on this path. I would like to see us get to semifinals at the least.
Here is a link from the blog from IIHF's webpage on tonight's game: http://www.iihf.com/fi/competition/272/homeiihf/blog.html

I am looking forward to Monday's match. It's one Scandinavian country against another; Denmark. Daumen drücken!!!

A Friday night with unusual habits

Okay, this will be my third post for today but I seem to keep having things to say and share.
On a Friday night I am at home (as usual) mostly due to work tomorrow at 7am but also because I have gotten too old (21 autumns and still going strong!) to go out clubbing. I hate it! I can't be bothered to dress up- actually I can because styling yourself is always fun and an ego boost - waste money on toxic beverages, scan the room for a potential hottie, get hit on by drunks who slur loudly in my ear, force myself to stay till at least 2am, ride the tube home, walk for ten minutes hoping no one will attack me, then sleepily on my bed try to decide whether I can be bothered to wash off my make-up or fall asleep right there and then but at least getting in to my PJs. Yeah - I don't like that anymore!!! I hate it. And if I go out, it better be a house party or a building party because clubs suck. All you can find there are horny teenagers and sad socialites, or guys who proably wouldn't mind slipping a Flunitrazepam (or also ((infamously)) known as Rohypnol) in your drink.

Anyways, my reason for this post is that I would like to share what I have been doing for the past three hours besides cooking dinner. I decided that it was time to get involved, meaning that I am following the ice-hockey game between Norway and Sweden, so far Sweden is leading and I hope it stays that way because I want to see us win! Norway's team is pretty violent, if anyone else but me saw how this one Norwegian player basically knocked over and bashed one of our players in to their goal. Don't be hating on us, neighbor... Anyways victory is ours Sweden. We won with 3-1. Hurrah! Tomorrow Tre Kronor will hopefully beat the Czech Republic.. Daumen drücken!!!

I also got involved by reading some articles on bbc.co.uk. I thought I should catch up on all this hysteria about the presidential elections in France. A friend of mine once said to me that he couldn't like my Sunday-morning music because the singer, Carla Bruni, is married to a "horrible" man. Little did I know until today, that this "horrible" man was the president of France, Nicolas Sarkozy. Well... after reading about the elections and Sarkozy's as well as Hollande's profiles, I can only say that I understand him. But really? Refusing to like her because of her husband? The line has got to be drawn somewhere. And as I have understood the election seems very ...heated. It will be interesting to see who the new president will be on Sunday. I will go ahead and say that I am more impressed about what Hollande's interests for France are, and my support will go to him. Sarkozy had his five years and now it is time for someone else to give it a better try.
When you wish to update yourself more in detail: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-17947929

One article I read, which I found to be a loss to the world of music and a great loss for his family and friends, was about Adam Yauch's passing. He was the rapper for Beastie Boys and basically a legend in their genre of music. I might not have liked all of their songs but I did grow up hearing their songs, liking about half of them, and recently (since January) I've been listening to their latest album with "Don't Play No Game that I Can't Win" on repeat.

Meanwhile I've been busy I have been playing a song "Lights Out, Words Gone" by Bombay Bicycle Club = I like. Especially the video is extremely cute. I have made up my mind that when I myself retire, I will go and just dance with others, till death. That seems like a nice idea.

 

I love the sky any time of the day

And for some reason, bare feet on wooden boards.

I think it is all because of  the nearness of summer...

Summer is closing in

I think that today, for the first time in a long time, I have just realized that summer is soon here. I have exactly 27 days left of university this semester, and then I can do what I have (almost always) been doing this whole entire semester: faulenzing.

The things I haven't done in what feels like forever, I can finally do! I even listed it all up:

• start playing piano again and cello too
• reading whatever book I want and not the books I am obliged to read by my department
• sketching and drawing again
• lay out in the sun
• Grey's Anatomy marathon and catching up on How I Met Your Mother
• working out outdoors ("5 Min Belly Fat Destroyer" here I come - committed for the beach debut!)
• catching up on politics and German literature; F-O Heinrich has been waiting too long.
• brushing up my German and French

Obviously traveling is a part of it all as well, but that won't happen until the end of July. Fingers crossed for beach vacation in either Portugal or Italy - once my mother has made up her mind. And then Paris - I really hope so. I best be working my ass off this summer, I'll be needing that dough.

There is something small outside my window, up in they sky, shining very bright.

And I am wondering, whether it is a star or a satellite...