College or work? It should be obvious...

I recently opened my e-mail and found something interesting. It was a mail from studera.nu where they mentioned my application for the German course at SU. What I didn't understand was if I was accepted or not? I know that I desperately want to go back and study and that the German language is something that interests me greatly, but I fear that I have fallen into the comforts of having a job. Meaning; the fact that I actually have nothing special to do on my free-time, I get an income per month that is bigger than the studiestöd, I don't have to feel tied down to something at all, etc. 

I think that I have become what I didn't want to become and that was a person who starts with a gap year and ends up with gap years for the rest of her life. (However, I'm not at the "rest of my life"-part yet.) I thought about how this would affect my job. I don't know what hours the course covers, it's a 100% study tempo meaning that each class is mandatory (unless your sick of course - they can't force you then). I do have the night shifts though so I suppose that it should work out if I want it too. But still...

How would that blend in with work? And what do I say to my boss? I think it would be a short notice... What do I choose? Education of course! But it's not like it's a set program, it's only a semester of language. And there are things I want to save up for that I don't think I'll be able to if I study full time. What do I do and how do I solve this?

Mellandagsyra

Update!

Igår fyllde morn min år (eller iförgår, beror på vad bloggen kommer visa för dag). Hon fyllde 55 fastän hon ser typ ut som 45. I allafall, jag fixade en hyfsat fin frukost och gömde hennes present (den fyrhjuliga reseväska som hon tjatat om sen 2 år tillbaka) bakom hennes stol. Och precis som jag antog så blev hon väldans glad!

Efter frukosten följde jag med henne till jobbet på jakt efter hennes försvunna örhänge. Den är så sjukt vacker och det var en gåva från mina gudföräldrar. De har ofantligt bra smak! Varje paket de skickar är alltid en kreation av en finsk designer, oftast är de väldigt retro och de gåvor som jag får blir det som ska pryda mitt första (egna) hem. Hursomhelst, så "ransacked" vi igenom Danderyds Sjukhus och det var som att leta efter en nål i ett höstack - heeeelt hopplöst! 

Jag märkte att mamma blev lite deppig så jag bjöd henne på middag på resturangen Vapiano (ett nytt favvo ställe). Hon fick välja absolut vad hon ville och hon begränsade sig verkligen inte, vilket iförsig var bra och tanken med. Jag blev lämnad en ganska så stor nota, kanske inte det roligaste men hon förtjänade verkligen den uppvaktningen så det gjorde mig absolut inget.

Det roliga när mamma fyller år är att det är under mellandagsrean. Denna tid känner vi till som synonymerna kaos och galenskap. En massa folk på stan och alla går ihop som packade sardeller ner för Drottninggatan. Sedan ökar chansen att man stöter på folk man känner, växlar ord medans resterande sardeller knuffar sig förbi och slår in i en med diverse kassar av fynd. Oftast hittar jag en massa saker att fynda på men inte i år. Hittade lite granna, för det mesta så var det blusar. Mamma hittade en klänning, hon hittade rätt mycket så jag hängde med henne in till omklädningsrummen för att kunna ge lite tips och åsikter - men det slutade med att jag tog bilder på mig själv istället. (Unlike mommy, I actually dressed up for her birthday! Vill ju då ha en hyfsad bild på mig själv om jag ändå lagt ner tid och energi...) På sistone så har jag fallit in i en Elizabeth Bennet-fixation vad gäller frisyrer, det borde väl märkas på dessa bilder?

En sak som jag fyndade dock, som verkligen har blivit en favorit, är en slags flannel klänning som jag hittade. Lite konstigt skuren men snygg snygg snygg! Och mysig för den delen. Den har lyckats bli en ny favorit outfit som jag säkerligen kommer att ha sönder mig! Så pass mycket att jag aldrig kommer vilja ha flannel igen, hehe.

Jag är faktiskt ganska stolt över mig själv att jag inte ruschar åt mig en massa plagg och köper de bara för att. Jag väljer verkligen saker mer noggrant nu för tiden. Det ska vara något jag verkligen tycker om! Inga fler köp på sådant som jag kommer lessna på inom 3 veckor. Det blir så jobbigt annars, sen har man spenderat en hel del på plagg som man sedan ger bort eller lägger längst in i gaderoben. Det ska bli ett slut på överkonsumtion, och detta är ett sätt att börja det på!

Men en sak som (för mig) är svårt att inte överkonsumera på; är givetvis skor. Och något som jag behövde (helt ärligt!) var ett par vinter stövlar. Jag lyckades hittade ett par på Nilson (det stället jag alltid hittar mina skor på). Är däremot lite tveksam om färgvalet då de finns i svart också, och måste erkänna att de är lite svåra att få på. Jag kämpar och trampar in min fot (tydligen har jag ett för högt "vad-heter-det-nu-ben-grejs-på foten-var det valv-det-hette-kanske? enligt kassörskan) men kommer den in så kommer den in! Fashion is pain someone once said, vem vet jag inte... Tur att jag har öppet köp/ångerrätt på dem fram tills 10:e januari fastän de var på rea, så jag har väl en hel del tid att fundera vidare på det...

Bortsett från all shopping och firande så ser jag fram emot en mysig dag med två goda kompisar imorgon. Det blir pulka, skridskor, South Park-maraton, Borat och Bruno, komedier, mat, kakor, godis och en massa annat!

Lägenheten är städad, mitt rum rensad, kylskåpet påfyllt och nu ringer ugnsklockan för att påminna mig om att ta ut min morotskaka! 

Natti-natt! Dags att nussa... :)

The eve of Christmas

Hopefully everyone has had a marvelous christmas! I sort of did.

Although I was working during the day, I had quite a lot of fun. I forced glitter (the type that Saint Lucia's small and fair maidens wear on their heads) on all of my co-workers heads. They probably thought I was mental - skipping around the shop, smiling, tying on glitter, etc. but I could tell that they liked it! So it basically made the short work day more jolly. The customers were more kind than usual, all of them greeting you a Merry Christmas and what not! Nice for a change.

Après ça, I fixed myself for the Christmas party with friends not family. It was a bore! The others in my age (whom I met regularly while growing up) were so different from me. It's a good thing that we're all different and I can be around different people but these were more like "different" people who just got on my nerves. Endless idiotic points and discussions about materialistic problems, the value of their christmas presents, gossip about others (on christmas eve!), and the nagging about not getting the right gift they asked for from their parents/siblings/girlfriend/boyfriend/etc ... Where did they go? The ones I knew while growing up, who had much better things to say than this? To be honest, it was only one of them who got on my nerves - the rest weren't quite the same, although not far from it. We didn't even watch Sagan om Karl-Bertil Jonssons julafton, instead the TV was set on MTV which was airing Tila Tequila A shot at love - maybe not the most appropriate show when everyone is gathered for Christmas...

I desperately wanted to go home and celebrate there as I thought the original plan was... but I just sat there on the same chair the whole night, trying to get through it, talking to the adults instead of the others in my age, ate, smiled, was polite, pulled one or two jokes, took a picture or two, putting on a false facade which I hate. Quite proud that I sucked it up and actually stood out until midnight and I think it was all thanks to the delicious food. It was so good! My favorite apart from the Christmas ham and herrings was probably the duck. The best one I've eaten so far with a refreshing mandarin orange sauce (disgusting at first but eventually it grew on me). Eventually (somewhere close to midnight) my mom said that we were finally leaving and a choir sang "Hallelujah" inside my head. As we got back home we exchanged gifts and watched some Christmas movie that was on. It was cosy and calm, and I think I was successful with the gifts I bought for her.

A little collage of my day; A nice breakfast (cup of tea, sandwiches with cream cheese, ham and tomatoes and also cheese with fig marmalade on top. Although a bit of Christmas ham on Julvörtsbröd would've been better, but since we celebrated at another place...), my traditional viewing of The Nightmare Before Christmas and a favorite (plus christmas present from a dear friend) Howls Moving Castle, clementines, gingerbread cookies, After Eight (yummiest chocolate on earth - I could eat a whole box during a night!) and new books that are added on to my "must read"-pile (I got the Freud book!).

A continued Merry Christmas and a coming Happy New Year!

When time is on the run

It's 11.57am as I'm writing this quick entry. Haven't written in ages and I've been stocked up with appointments, work and errands. Gah! I need time to wind down and relax, and it is nowhere to be found. I've been on the go since wednesday. 

Wednesday night I had the christmas recital and the whole morning I sat practicing and shopping some presents before that in the last minute. (Shit! It's 11.59am - almost noon. I'm so stressed by the clock!!!) I don't have any other time to do it before Christmas Eve. I backed out of the program though because I was so stressed and got so nervous and kept messing up that I was about to have a fit. My teacher got disappointed but hid it slightly well and I just sat there listening to everyone else.

Next day I had work from 11am-9pm, and the day after 8am-5pm and after that I had to stress to my friends christmas recital which took practically the whole night and we went for night-fuel afterwards. I got home after 11pm dead beat and ready to get like 6 hrs of sleep for the next day. I worked again from 7.30am-5pm and after that I had to run to another Christmas concert. I got home a bit earlier but I was so nackered I just couldn't stay up so I practically passed out on my bed - knowing that I was to work again the next day 12-9pm. So much work, it's making me bitter... And today it's monday. I'm still not fully rested and in about 40 minutes I better be ready to leave for my piano lesson. Christ, I just woke up, still in my PJ's and my mind is completely shattered. I'm going to have piano for 1,5hrs - why!?!?! I haven't even had the time to practice, I don't even have the energy, I can't be bothered right now - it's freekin' christmas!

After piano I'm celebrating a friends birthday which will take all night. I wished that I'd get time to relax after that but no. Work calls tomorrow - the crappiest shift ever (11-9pm!) and I have to look good because after that I'm rushing to Handelshögskolans (Stockholm School of Economics) Christmas party and I'll be home at like 3 or 4am, catching up on enough energy for the next workshift (12-19). And the day after it's Christmas Eve... I'll be working then. Lovely!

I was also hoping for it to be a calm Christmas Eve with just my mom and I,but no - we're invited to a friends place where there'll be tons of people and I'll have to be cheery and happy all night. I can't be bothered. I just want to be at home with my mom and not have to be bothered by this constant mass of people I see and hear day in and day out. I need silence and just plain "nothingness"... I want to (for once) be locked up in my room for at least a full day.

The clock is 12.14pm... I'm more stressed than ever. I've got 30minutes to get out of my PJ's and get ready to burst out of the door. So much for a quick entry too... I really can't be bothered. I don't want to sit 1,5hrs playing things I don't know.

I'm such a pessimist right now - sorry!

O Christmas Tree, Du kära gran!

O Tannenbaum, Mon Beau Sapin!

Second post for the day. This one was supposed to have been posted after I finished baking yesterday but I got too tired so I went to bed instead.

Yesterday when my mother was out on some morning errands, I decided to search the internet for a gift of hers that I haven't been able to find in stores. I'm almost done with all the gifts, and Bly me(!) a lot of them are for my mom. This year she actually told me what she wished for and I intend on finding each and every thing she mentioned! When I get the 

chance, I spoil my mother as much as I can and that often happens to be at around Christmas (hence the fact that her birthday is actually three days after Christmas Eve - a qualified reason why to spoil her).

My mother and I put up our Christmas tree. I don't know the real traditions about when you should really put up trees and etc. but in Sweden (apparently) you put up your tree the night before Christmas eve. Well, my mom and I aren't that traditional so we put ours up yesterday to feel the Christmas spirit. Indeed it was successful; a little bit of good old Christmas songs, gingerbread cookies and oranges (we didn't have any must and glögg is nothing I fancy), and the past years christmas memories. It was cosy and nice! And the fact that there was a lot of snow outside made it all feel extra "christmassy" than it has for years. Besides, now when it's a cold and grey-period outside, the snow makes everything 10 times prettier than usual.

I decided to take a picture of our christmas tree and started snapping away with our camera.

That camera was a present for my 16th Birthday, and three years later I actually figured out

 how to work in the best way. For three years I thought that we had bought a crappy camera which was known to have real good functions. Yesterday I finally understood how to work them and tried out a lot of them. Although I have to admit that I barely saw the difference in the many different shoot modes. But some did show a difference and turned out better than they would've without the special functions.

Somewhere in between I managed to fit in some practicing for tonight's Christmas recital: Bach's Prelude and Fuge no.6 in d minor. I really don't want to perform it, I'm so unsure about it. I feel like backing out and just sitting there listening to others play. Thing is, sometimes it goes well, sometimes it doesn't. Yesterday I found that the slower and more relaxed I play it - the more I mess it up. The faster and the more thoughtless way I play it - it's flawless BUT without giving much 

thought about dynamics. How on earth am I supposed to pull this off? I have like 6 hours until rehearsal. I bet I'll disappoint my piano teacher...

After the stressful practicing, I took out the gingerbread dough and started baking. If there is one thing I can't bake its gingerbread cookies! They always turn out a failure, they're thick, burnt on the sides and the glazing never works the way I want it to. This year I was going to get it right - but no... Failure again! It was quite a job too and to get that perfect thin crispy cookie you really had to beat the dough thin on the counter. And that would result to it sticking on the counter meaning that when you would lift the cookie dough on to the baking tray, you practically decapitate/amputate your poor gingerbread friends.

Also I was supposed to have my christmas forms but they were nowhere to be found so I ended up using forms with a Farm-theme from when I was little... It worked as well and just like when I was little, the cat's bloody tail keeps getting amputated when you're moving it from the counter to the baking tray. That's why there's an excess of rabbits and sheep in the cookie jar instead!

The glazing was a nightmare though, I don't know how hard I was squeezing that tube and nothing would come out. Half way through all the gingerbread cookies my hands started cramping so I ended up doing silly glazings on them instead. A lot of hearts since I couldn't find the heart forms either. By the way, on this picture - the cats at the top of each corner were supposed to have beards - failure!

Hopefully I can play it this lightly and freely tonight...

(Hahaha!) I think the guy beneath is increasing speed on the prelude, it seems to go faster and faster - at least at some places. I tend to increase speed at the exact same places too, but the metronome set me right. Perhaps a metronome for him as a Christmas present???

Dreams I thought were gone...

I woke up three times today. Each time after hitting the snooze button, each time not being aware of it, each time being confused if I was still in the dream or not.

I hate these specific dreams that keep coming back to me. I haven't had them in a long time and they didn't start again until a couple of days ago. And they've been coming back on an interval of every other night.

They're sort of like tortures of the past, to put it in a dramatic way. They're equally as powerful and effect me so emotionally in my sleep. That's why when I wake up it always feels like it was real and I get confused and wonder how come it wasn't. Once I actually found myself crying - both in my sleep and as I awoke. Because the dream was so real, so emotional, such a dream-come-true, that you didn't want to find yourself in reality...

That must have happened to everyone, right? I don't even understand why I have these dreams or where they come from!? Well I could understand before, but not now - it's so illogical! I thought that I was past this? And also, it has the perfect timing (sarcasm) just like a lot of things in life...

Either way, last night's dream was a ball of emotions. A mixture of happiness, sadness, envy, jealousy, regret, "what if's" and wishful thinking. So many things, so much confusion.

At least I didn't find myself or wake up crying... I suppose that's a bit of a good sign?

I'm starting to feel the Christmas spirit!

I really shouldn't be blogging right now. I should be practicing but I got so happy when I saw

the snow outside!

So today I've been very active and efficient and the clock hasn't even struck noon. I've fixed myself so that I look slightly proper, cleaned the whole flat, done my important phone calls, eaten breakfast and now (after this blog) I'll be practicing for wednesdays recital. Efficient day!

It's funny how snow gets you excited (not supposed to be taken the wrong way, otherwise I'm the only one who - just as usual - can find the double meanings in everything). I'm looking forward to strolling around the snow-covered city with my friend Mathilda doing some of my Christmas shopping. I've figured out that I only have 2 days to do my christmas shopping, and that's today and next week (two days before christmas eve!). I don't even know what to get people and my creativity has completely died out. Although, I do have a good memory so I have remembered some things that people need or have asked for ages ago.  I think it'll all be good...

As for myself I have made a little list for my mom. I asked her for things I usually don't ask for. First off (which I really need) is a graphing calculator from TI - I have been eyeing it for a long time! Secondly a pair of jogging shoes since my old ones are worn out. And by getting new ones I just might motivate myself more to actually go out and run. Last time I did that was probably middle of august... Then I did ask for the Grey's Anatomy box season 1-5, he he. Three things, not much I asked for which is nice for a change. I find that the older you get the less materialistic you become!

Later tonight I will be found at KGB for a short while with amazing people. It'll be real cosy walking home through dark and snowy Stockholm.

When there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
One more son
If you can't hold on
If you can't hold on
Hold on

I wanna stand up, I wanna let go
You know, you know - no you don't, you don't
I wanna shine on in the hearts of men
I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand  

Another head aches, another heart breaks
I'm so much older than I can take
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no
 
Help me out 

Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner
You know you got to help me out, yeah
 
And when there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son
These changes ain't changing me
The cold-hearted boy I used to be


...I got soul but I'm not a soldier

- The Killers

All of these personality quizzes...

So my friend John got me to take a personality quiz on the web for about two days ago. I couldn't fully agree to the result I got but once I thought about my work aspect as a Fieldmarshal who leads and bosses around, I suppose that was quite right. I have been given a lot of responsibility lately at work, teaching up newbies and bossing over them. And I've been liking it! The fact that I ended up in the category the Rationals is probably accurate too, I tend to think rationally. But like I said, not everything was agreeable.

So I took the test again today (a couple of minutes ago) to check if I answered similarly than I did before. Of course I couldn't remember how I answered the last time so if I'd end up with the same answer/type - I guess they can't be wrong! The first result I had was ENTJ (temperament: the rationals, portrait: fieldmarshal), the second was ENTP; a rationalist with the portrait Inventor. Don't know where I'm supposed to go with this but I suppose it has determined that I have at least a rationalist temperament.


Point of this post was to share something slightly funny. I took another personality test which determines your existing situation with 8 colors that you pick in a special order, twice. Now, I thought that it was a bit lame and didn't really know what to expect of it. Many say that these tests are stupid and are actually accurate for everyone, so if we feel exclusively picked we really should double check with reality. Either way my result was:

"Hoping to climb the corporate ladder and gain a position with more power and higher pay so that she can live a more lavish lifestyle, and obtain the things she has had to go without."

Interesting and slightly scary since I actually do feel like that at the moment. I haven't started or chosen a career but in regard of my earlier posts I have been saying that my one reason to quitting piano was because it is such an unstable career. A career with low pay and which will result in my dream as a mother not being able to "lavish" (not really the word I want to use) my children.

I suppose I'm not the only person who feels like this, and yes I have made sure not to feel exclusively picked. But we all know that when these quizzes hit something true and accurate about ourselves you can't help but feel exclusive and accurate.

If you want to try it out for yourself press on the following name (it's a link) ColorQuiz.

I expect friends to share their results, haha!

Apparently they cover other aspects as well and these were my results which I also thought were accurately correct...

Stress sources:

"Avoids pressure from others and insists on developing her individual independence. Wants to make up her own mind with resistance from others or outside forces, and needs the freedom to make her own decisions. Wants to be looked at as a wise individual whose opinions are respected, and has a hard time admitting she is wrong. Can be reluctant to accept or understand other people's opinions or point of view."

Restrained characteristics:

"Current situations have left her feeling overwhelmed and tormented. Needs to avoid further activity or demands and concentrate on relaxing and becoming emotionally sound. Current events have her feeling forced to make bargains and put aside her own desires for now. She is able to find satisfaction and happiness through sexual activity."

I think the last sentence is hilarious and that happiness can be found in other forms than sexual activity. That sentence is really questionable...

Desired objectives:

"Longs for a loving, caring, and supportive relationship, and fanaticizes of living in perfect harmony with others. Has a strong desire for tenderness and affection and enjoys things which are artistically pleasing to the eye."

My actual problem:

"Impressed by unique and one of a kind things, and by people with exceptional personalities. Tries to takes the characteristics she likes in other people and apply it to herself as well as coming across as a unique individual."

My actual problem #2:

"Longs the freedom to make her own decisions and plans without the criticism and restrictions of others. Uses her charm to deal with others and get what she wants."

Today is the 13th of december and in Sweden we celebrate Lucia. I've been doing it for too long. And this year I finally don't have to put up with it anymore. It was fun while it lasted but eventually it wore out on you.

I'll be spending my Lucia without the saffron buns, cleaning up my room and practicing for an upcoming Christmas recital. I don't really feel the enthusiasm spreading to the tip of my fingers...

The Nobel Prize Concert

Yesterday was a lot of fun! Louise and I attended the Nobel Prize Concert. The Royal family was

there, the Nobel Prize winners were there (I assume? Louise and I scanned the room for them, especially Herta Müller), SVT was there, we were there but mostly - Martha Argerich was there. She was of a minimum two meters away from us when she walked on and off the stage. Wonder and joy couldn't even begin to describe it! Now what I loved about her from yesterday night was that you could see the joy of playing on her. I see many pianist whom I can't pick that off of. She has a vibe about her that just makes you joyful and which makes you feel. As I watched her play yesterday, it was like a watching a child play with the greatest passion. Physically she doesn't look much different at all from what she did when she was younger, and it feels (and looks) like she has got that eternal youth and fire of passion that radiates when she performs.

Our Royal Philharmonic played Shostakovich's (my favourite composer) Festive Overture - which was a smart move. The piece was pompous and powerful which set the mood for a Nobel Prize concert perfectly. I got really excited and the orchestra sounded much better than they did on last years season's opening concert with the new conductor Sakari Oramo (what a disappointment it was then). Perhaps it's because it's the Nobel Prize concert or because they had a much better conductor Yuri Temirkanov. There was such a great connection, a bond of understanding between him and the orchestra. He didn't have to over do it or do much at all to be honest, he just went with it and they did too. They felt it together and just...composed music!

Either way, the high light was Argerich. She played one of my most favorite and the most beautiful piano concerto I've heard (Ravel's piano concerto in G major). It's fantastic and so well composed, it's perfection itself! She performed it so well, her interpretation is by far the best one yet. Everything was so clear, I heard it through new ears and it was like a reincarnation. But the movement I've been waiting for since before summer was of course the second movement. It was brilliant! I know this will sound so cheesy, but every time I hear it performed live by a wonderful pianist (which has actually only been once before) it makes my heart ache and catches me out of breath. I can't even describe it in words because the only way to understand it, is to hear it - live, with a great pianist as Martha Argerich. All the beautiful tension that builds up, up, up until the english horn's solo releases it and the piano's accompaniment sounds like sparkling ocean water. It doesn't get more beautiful than that...

Leaving that topic before it gets out of hand, I wasn't that fond of the last piece. Prokofiev's Romeo and Juliet suite. We've heard it before and I think I'd like to see ballet dancers with it (sarcasm was in that for those who didn't understand it), but since when was a suite a suitable ending for a concert? Especially the Noble Prize concert? Louise and I discussed this, and she figured that a symphony would've been better - which I fully agree to.

All in all, it was great. Argerich was so modest and humble when she received her applause. She tried several times to get Temirkanov to bow with her and accept some applause too, but he refused. She was tonight's star! The fact that she showed such humbleness and the way she tried to get both the conductor and the orchestra to rise and bow, shows how she wants to convey that she couldn't have pulled the piano concerto off on her own. They did it all together!

Girls being girls, it was very fun to dress up for a change. Louise and I went all the way with it. This was a Black Tie event, although women weren't allowed to wear long evening gowns (apparently they were supposed to be short). Sweden being swedish, about 89% came in black as if it were (as Louise nicely put it) a funeral. And it wasn't really nice black cocktail dresses, it was more like a black skirt with an old ragged black sweater. This is the Nobel Prize concert people!!! Either way, we were dressed for success and I actually did hear an elder lady commenting our pretty and colorful dresses during the champagne break (fancy-fancy!).

After the concert we headed home to Louise's place but had a little stop at McDonalds for fuel. None of us had eaten since 9am or 12pm. We've both been so worked up and busy (I had two doctors appointments at different ends of town) that we forgot that we were hungry. As we got to her place I met her two cats Tess and Milton, who were adorable and such sweethearts. I found Milton sleeping by my feet and somewhere at around 4am Tess woke me up. She was apparently sneezing and as I awoke she was by my head, to later settle herself on my pillow. The pillow was shared, Tess taking up 95% of it and me getting a couple of centimeters to sleep on. It was quite fun and sweet, but when I moved her twice to make room for my head she apparently wasn't keen on sharing and hopped off to roam around the apartment before settling in behind Louise's knees again.

To see the whole concert press on the name The Nobel Prize Concert 2009.

Maurice Ravel's Piano Concerto in G major.

Martha Argerich, with Charles Dutoit and Orchestre National de France.

Frankfurt September 9th, 1990.

(A month before my birth. It would've been more cool if it was October 9th, 1990).

Russian roulette, the morning after and facts about teeth.

Yesterday was monday. Mondays mean (for me) piano and then what I love the most: Red Mondays at KGB Bar and restaurant. There I meet up with my childhood friends, my best friends and catch up on everything. Talk, laugh, philosophize and the occasional "debates".

At KGB we sit with Cecilia and listen to her boyfriend, his sister and his friend, play Russian folk tunes - sung in russian. And also, Swedish folk tunes sung in swedish. There was also one monday when Niko (her boyfriend) played his own composed song which was really good and well written (wonderful text!). They play and sing for about an hour if not a little more and somewhere around the middle of the performance or right before the end, they play a game of Russian roulette. Now, Russian roulette might not be the same without a gun (line stolen from Lady Gaga, haha) but their version is with vodka. I've always wanted to play the game but never dared so now that Ida was with I finally dared to send us up there. We stood in a ring with 4 other people, holding each others shoulders, dancing in a circle, 360 degrees, waiting for the music to stop and being shot in the back. I was the first to go and I was the first to choose one of the six shots. Five were water and one - the golden one, that we all wanted - was pure vodka. However, I took one of the five and "lost" with disappointment but my lovely Ida got the vodka even though she wasn't the last (wo)man standing. Her reward, apart from winning the vodka: to dance in the middle of the pub with a gas mask on for all of us to see! Keep in mind that the pub was filled with people everywhere but it was great fun and she did a good job dancing for our entertainment.

The morning after (today), I woke up at 6.40ish for my dentist appointment. An hour later I was sitting in a chair with my dentist taking x-ray pictures of my teeth and saying that they were really good and then lecturing me about how they suddenly were bad. What changed her mind was because I had tartar (tandsten). So there I was lying on a chair and while she dug and scratched away some tartar, my dentist started asking facts about teeth. And all of a sudden my whole appointment was a pop-quiz where I was guessing the right answers to her questions, and gladly nailing more than half. So I thought I'd share my new knowledge although many might already know it.

We brush our teeth to get rid of the remaining food that gets stuck between our teeth, and to clean our teeth and gum from bacteria. The food we eat doesn't necessarily get stuck and stay stuck until we've brushed our teeth, it falls off within time (apart from small particles like e.g. parsley  from time to time). Tartar is not caused by remains of food, it's caused by bacteria that you haven't brushed off. The bacteria will not disappear by using the right toothpaste since toothpaste is used for enhancing your teethes enamel with fluorine. (A recommendation to those who use or don't use fluorine tablets; rinsing your mouth for a minute with a liquid fluorine is way better than the tablets since they reach all areas and spaces in your mouth/teeth. It's more effective than tablets, which are more effective than nothing at all.) Bacteria will disappear if you brush well and long enough. Products like Listerine are not recommended because they'll corrode your teeth and gum more than they say and you think. By brushing hard you're wearing out the teethes surface and therefore we should not be using medium toothbrushes. The best toothbrushes are the soft ones or the electrical rechargeable toothbrushes since they also polish our teeth. (The latter gives a better result in getting rid of bacteria too.) If you bleed while brushing it's a good sign. No, it does not mean that you've gotten rid of small food particles (which some parents say), it means that you've gotten rid of bacteria, old bacteria. Saliva plays an important part. Saliva contains good bacteria's that help fight off the bad ones. However, if we "små-äter" a lot (like me, especially midnight food) then the teeth will never get a chance to get rid off the bad bacteria's since the saliva will be having new ones to constantly fight off. Therefore it is wise to wait 2-3 hours between every meal so that the saliva gets a chance to protect your teeth and most importantly your gum. Eating before going to bed is worse (if you don't wait with it until 2-3 hours later)! Why? Because your saliva, when you lie down, won't come in contact with your teeth and instead gather at the back of your throat. This meaning that your teeth will be suffering of corrosion the whole night, which is a lot of hours. And then my dentist went on ranting about flossing, what food and beverages that corrode the teeth - but I think we all know that part...and then just stash it at the back of our minds.

Now I shall resume to my sandwich... (Julskinka på julvörtsbröd! Yummy in my tummy!)

I wish I came up with that version myself!

What to wear, what to wear? A girl's reverberated dilemma.

I've got six days left to put together an outfit for the Nobel Prize concert. For the moment, I've also got six different dresses to choose from. So I need some help in deciding which one to pick!

Dress no.1:

A very cute and girly dress. 

I've worn it once for my "studentmottagning".

Not too short, so I suppose no one will condemn me with their eyes. 

The dress feels a bit boring though...

Dress no.2:

My graduation dress.

Although I'm not so sure about this one, it makes me think Marilyn Monroe. Not to mention that it might be too much above the knee.

Perhaps it's a bit too wedding-ish?

I think this one has to be passed...

Dress no.3:

My old prom-dress from 2006.

I love this dress so much!

I'd wear it, if it weren't for the fact that I've worn it to almost the majority of events that I've been to.

Dress no.4:

My recital dress from my graduation concert.

It's green and lovely. More elegant than the other dresses. The thing is; it's a tad short and I'm not sure that it's a smart thing to pull on a conservative event.

Black stockings perhaps?

Dress no.5:

My old recital dress which was worn for "less special" concerts.

It's black and it's boring... and the fabric a little worn out...

But it is long enough!

Dress no.6:

My absolute favorite dress, by my favorite brand (Ted Baker).

Probably shouldn't be up for the campaign but I just wanted to post it up anyway.

It's too short, too glossy, too much cocktail, too "out there".

But if I was a rebellious soul, I swear - I would've worn it to the Nobel Prize concert!

Well, now I just have to continue fretting over what dress to wear! Search some more stores in hopes of finding an electric blue replica of Reem Acra's dress. Then figuring out what shoes, purse, jacket and hairstyle to wear... But I'm so indecisive it'll never work out until the last minute.

Indecisiveness - the great attribute of a Libra!

The Nobel Prize concert and I want a blue dress!

Oh, how I wish I had the perfect outfit for next weeks concert! I've been roaming around, or no hunting down, the perfect dress but it is nowhere to be found. It is the Nobel Prize concert with champagne that is to be served during the pause - I have to look good! And I want to look good in a blue dress with beige pumps! 

If I had all access to any dress, if I had the money for it, I would wear this gorgeous dress by Reem Acra:

        

To the left it's on a model, to the right you can see it worn by Katherine Heigl. It looks better on Katherine Heigl...

But I think I'd swap shoes and chose these delightful ones

That would've been my dream! Picture perfect - but alas! every time I have a vision; I never find the clothes, and the vision is shattered...

I suppose I have to ransack my closet and pick between some old dresses. Not really what I want, but what am I otherwise supposed to do?

So here they are on my floor waiting to be chosen for the event next week...

My alone-time

Thank god my cellphone hasn't rung at all! I was worried for a minute or two. If I was supposed to have worked today then the phone would've rung for a couple of minutes ago with one of the morning-staff yelling at me about not being responsible. But by not receiving the call I suppose I am responsible, and I am also thrilled for not having to work today.

This weekend has been really good. I worked pretty much the whole day yesterday but things were flowing on smoothly, although I was forced to work with a newbie. No annoying customers, delivery was on time (for once!), the newbie was picking up the habits quicker than the last newbie I worked with (he drove me insane!)... I can't put it in a better way than it all flowed on nicely. However, I did miss my bus but that was okay since I bought some delicious food from the grill by the bus-terminal.

This weekend has given me some alone time and I've needed it so badly for so long. My mother came home later than I yesterday, from her friends birthday party. Thankfully she wasn't being needy as she usually can be and settled herself before the TV laughing more than usual at a sitcom. I joined her for a while just to hear her laugh and give her the maternal closeness I know she wants but doesn't ask for. After that I headed for my room to listen to some old records and figure out what to do now that it was midnight.

That's when I saw my old art-box or art-shelf, and pulled out my portfolio. I saw my old sketches, paintings and drawings. Some of them were quite good actually, and some were less good. I ended up sitting in the middle of my room with the drawings on my knee and all over the place thinking Did I really paint this? What was I thinking? I then found my old sketchpad and felt an urge to sketch something, anything, whatever came to me during that moment. And I ended up sketching a pregnant lady rubbing her belly. Interesting...

I think I sat up until 2 am just sketching whatever I felt like sketching, listening to Mazzy Star and Joshua Radin (listen to them if you haven't).

This morning I slept in and took a really long bath. My alone time from yesterday wasn't quite over. I still needed some more of it.

I ate a really good breakfast and listened to Jack Johnson. I pulled out some food and decided to experiment with the meat I found. I love cooking and baking, especially experimenting. I haven't done that in a really long time so today I was very giddy and gay as I was cooking in the kitchen.

As I was being giddy and gay cooking my meal, I looked out the window and noticed what a thick fog there was outside. And I loved it.

I loved it because it couldn't have set the mood that I'm in today, in any better way. My alone time (so far) is picture perfect.

P.S. I've also been going through old pictures from Junior High that are filed on my computer. Here are some that wake great memories back to life:

My favorite picture from Junior High. Every day was a blast!

Me and Cecilia :)

Ida and Cecilia

Vlad (actually Kristoffer), Julia and I.

The Gang - minus two. (Fetus, Cecil, Katty and Beebs. I took the picture and Julia was somewhere else.)

I love you guys! <3