Wednesday night I had the christmas recital and the whole morning I sat practicing and shopping some presents before that in the last minute. (Shit! It's 11.59am - almost noon. I'm so stressed by the clock!!!) I don't have any other time to do it before Christmas Eve. I backed out of the program though because I was so stressed and got so nervous and kept messing up that I was about to have a fit. My teacher got disappointed but hid it slightly well and I just sat there listening to everyone else.
Next day I had work from 11am-9pm, and the day after 8am-5pm and after that I had to stress to my friends christmas recital which took practically the whole night and we went for night-fuel afterwards. I got home after 11pm dead beat and ready to get like 6 hrs of sleep for the next day. I worked again from 7.30am-5pm and after that I had to run to another Christmas concert. I got home a bit earlier but I was so nackered I just couldn't stay up so I practically passed out on my bed - knowing that I was to work again the next day 12-9pm. So much work, it's making me bitter... And today it's monday. I'm still not fully rested and in about 40 minutes I better be ready to leave for my piano lesson. Christ, I just woke up, still in my PJ's and my mind is completely shattered. I'm going to have piano for 1,5hrs - why!?!?! I haven't even had the time to practice, I don't even have the energy, I can't be bothered right now - it's freekin' christmas!
After piano I'm celebrating a friends birthday which will take all night. I wished that I'd get time to relax after that but no. Work calls tomorrow - the crappiest shift ever (11-9pm!) and I have to look good because after that I'm rushing to Handelshögskolans (Stockholm School of Economics) Christmas party and I'll be home at like 3 or 4am, catching up on enough energy for the next workshift (12-19). And the day after it's Christmas Eve... I'll be working then. Lovely!
I was also hoping for it to be a calm Christmas Eve with just my mom and I,but no - we're invited to a friends place where there'll be tons of people and I'll have to be cheery and happy all night. I can't be bothered. I just want to be at home with my mom and not have to be bothered by this constant mass of people I see and hear day in and day out. I need silence and just plain "nothingness"... I want to (for once) be locked up in my room for at least a full day.
The clock is 12.14pm... I'm more stressed than ever. I've got 30minutes to get out of my PJ's and get ready to burst out of the door. So much for a quick entry too... I really can't be bothered. I don't want to sit 1,5hrs playing things I don't know.
I'm such a pessimist right now - sorry!
