So I procrastinate and ponder on life...

I stumbled across a questionnaire titled "Vanity Fair's Proust Questionnaire" which Cecilia's mother posted up on facebook. Apparently it was a link to someone's blog; they call themselves Dame. When it comes to quizzes and questionnaires I just can't help myself - I need to do it in order to get answers. The results and labels you receive from these quizzes and questionnaires are probably about 70% stupid and are general statements that fit everyone. Yet, I do the quiz/questionnaire for unexplained reasons, perhaps I think I am discovering who I really am? Because are we not all on a life-long journey to figure out who we are? Sadly, I think so...

So here it goes:


What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Living without worries and having a nice journey in life filled with treasured memories and joy as well as love.

What is your greatest fear?
To not be loved for who I am, or i.e. to be rejected. Also, the thought of waking up one day and realizing that what you thought was reality, in fact wasn't.

What historical figure do you most identify with?
Hmm, maybe Jane Austen? I don't possess her talent nor her way of expression or speech, but I am a sucker for romance! Honestly though, I have no clue and we all know how bad I am at history...

Which living person do you most admire?
I do not know who I admire the most, but I do admire my mother a lot for everything she's been through and how she has worked hard to get to where she is today.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Giving up easily.

What trait do you most deplore in others?
Dishonesty.

What is your greatest extravagance?
Time or food...

On what occasion do you lie?
With people I barely know or have newly become acquainted with; e.g. on some few occasions I have lied or twisted a story to conceal the truth which I am ashamed of telling them.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
That my arms look like horrible sticks that you can snap in two.

What is your favorite journey?
Moving to Heidelberg, Germany. The people, the vicinity, the culture, the language. It felt more like home than what actually is my home. There were some downs obviously but surmountable ones.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Perhaps chastity, but that is just me and in regards to myself.

Which living person do you most despise?
My father.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
"Probably", "echt", "I can't be bothered".

What is your greatest regret?
Each time I have fought for something and then faced an obstruction which I'm too afraid of or in general tired of fighting without any results, and decided to give up. I should have kept going.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
I haven't reached that point in life yet, but hopefully it isn't too far from now.

When and where were you happiest?
There are two moments in which I was the happiest; the latter was the most happiest but also a bit of a cliché.
1). After I willingly ran a campaign for ECPAT to raise money on the International Children's Day 2010 at university. One of the few times I felt like giving up and backing out but pushed through. The feed back was amazing and the amount of money we managed to raise was beyond more than I had expected!
2). The 21st of December 2010. His room, his bed, his shirt, his body, his smell. The only guy who has assured me that an amazing night does not have to end with sex and that impatience kills the mystery. He also proved to me that there are good ones out there who are not out after that one thing.

Which talent would you most like to have?
The talent of Jacqueline du Pré.

What is your current state of mind?
Lost and dismembered.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
To get things done and to stop quitting when I've almost got what I've fought for and wanted.

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
That it wasn't destroyed and split in two. I would have siblings and my father would have been a better person.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what would it be?
A better person.

If you could choose what or who to come back as, what would it be?
Still: a better person. However, I wouldn't mind coming back as a dog either, or maybe even a star, unless I can be the moon.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Daring to break loose from set ideals, paths and wishes from my family in order to do what I want or needed to do.

What is your most treasured possession?
My graduation cap - I've gotten through a large milestone, or even better; it symbolizes a period in life which has not only had to do with education, but everything I've experienced and been through until then. Graduating allowed me to enter a new chapter, turn the page and rewrite myself and my real dreams in life.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
(Can't come up with anything from the top of my head.)

What is your most marked characteristic?
Probably that I look nothing like a Swede and resemble Pocahontas.

What is the quality you most like in a man?
Humbleness and loyalty (I can't just pick one quality!).

What is the quality you most admire in a woman?
Respect: to others but mostly herself.

What do you most value in your friends?
Their honesty.

Who are your favourite writers?
Jane Austen, Siri Hustvedt and Émile Zola.

Who is your favourite hero of fiction?
Superman?

Who are your heroes in real life?
I don't have any, but if anyone probably my mom.

What are your favourite names?
Alexander, Maximilian, Olivia, Allegra, Elizabeth, Edward, Philip, Oliver.

What is it that you most dislike?
Uncomfortable situations.

How would you like to die?
By not dying? Seriously though; in my sleep.

What is your motto?
As of new year's eve it has been changed to "just go for it" no matter what it is or how scared I am - it's now or never!