I need to be left alone for a full week. Solitude.
I bet it won't work though. I'm too kind so I'll end up sacrificing my solitude just to avoid conflicts.
Things at work are going terribly wrong. It feels like I might lose my job for something I didn't do. The trust at work is completely gone. I can't tell anymore who is being honest, who is not.
Work is such a burden nowadays, I really hate it.
As for other aspects I feel like a terrible person...
First my dad found a way to contact me even though he knows that I don't want him too. The constant hassling and nagging, schizophrenic sides he shows - I can't take it. I don't have the time to deal with him!
He really doesn't understand what he did. So thick-headed! And he makes me seem like the bad guy in the whole situation. It's always my fault how things turned out, he says.
Honestly, he's years late and even though it's "never too late" - he still doesn't see the point and he still won't listen to what I am really saying. He always gives me empty promises and empty excuses, this is not what a parent does.
I don't have the time and energy to deal with someone so stupid, and I refuse to waste my time on him too!
As for people really bringing me down, there's another person who's been on my back. Someone I used to see as a friend who really wasn't one. Someone I've been trying to get away from, is now hurting because I'm detaching myself from them. The constant messages which I try to block away by being a bit cold. I can't do it! It's not in my nature to just erase people as if they mean nothing (apart from my dad though, the one easy exception). Don't I owe an explanation, a closure? I think I do.
At the same time, if this person is so desperate for my explanation and contact, how come they haven't called me? They know that I always answer my phone regardless who it is that calls, whether I really want to answer or not. So perhaps they're not really "hurting", infact it could just be another double-game that they're so used to play.
How did I become this person who makes people feel bad and hurt?
It's all so depressing, I really can't let go of what's happening around me. Hurting people, losing stability at work, basically losing focus on things I used to have control over...
I'm so tired of this.
I really need to get out of Sweden.
To just let go of things.
