Perhaps I don't belong with the arts, but with the academics?

I must admit that I snatched the title from a friend whom I discussed this matter with. She stated a suspicion that she had always been more of an academic than an artist. When she said that, I felt the same way about myself. It was like she opened my eyes and made me see the obvious - even though she was referring to herself and not me.

Props to her for giving me a good title! ^^

As it's known I'm not pursuing a career within classical music. The dream started when I was around 11 or 12 and went for the best teacher I've had. The dream took a turn, and I decided that I wanted to start an ensemble like a piano trio or a piano quartett/quintett. The dream ended this year.

I never wanted a gap-year but everything happens for a reason, right? I was forced to take a gap-year since I missed application dates and didn't even get a reserve spot at the pre-college I applied for. (Talk about a blow for my ego!)
I found a job and I'm liking the income but I also notice how I'm longing to study, burry my head back in those books. Read for hours, take notes, meet new people, sit in lecture halls and suck in new knowledge...

The subjects I enjoyed most (apart from all the music subjects) in high school were; mathematics, law, english and other languages. I've always said that my plan B would be to study the Business and Economics programme at SU. It's still plan B but I can't help but be attracted to the Law programme. I've loved law since we read it the last year of high school and I can see myself working with either of the careers in the future.I wonder if perhaps it's something I should try out?

Why I've suddenly become so decisive about giving up the arts is because there is something in life that I don't ever want to miss out on, and that's becoming a mother. And becoming a mother means that I want to have stability in my life so that I can supoort my child(ren) in all ways. I don't want them to have half of the doors closed because I can't provide for them. I want to be able to give them the worlds opportunities.
If I become a musician, the road is tough and long. There's no stability since it's basically free lancing, the working hours are long and often during evenings. The salary is low and to be honest, that's not acceptable for me - not if I want to become a mom. I don't want to miss any time with my kids, any of their schoolplays because of my own concerts. I absolutely don't ever want to have to say "No, you can't do that because we can't afford it". And most of all I don't think I could deal with all the worry a free lancer has. The fact that you'll never have stability or any garantuee for a job - it's scary, and that's something I can't deal with.

So with this conveyed, I think it's fair to state that I don't belong with the arts.