Life

~now I'm really slipping up on private issues


My mother, who unfortunately fell ill after our return from the Philippines, is gradually getting better. Slowly, yet I hope steadily. This morning I took her to her MRI and hoping to get results immediately, we now have to wait. I don't know how long it'll take but I hope they work presto. Because if the MRI shows nothing (I'm kind of hoping for it since a thrombus in her brain is not what I wish for) she has to do another test. It's taking weeks to figure out what it is she has, and she's already gotten her eyesight back - what if the symptoms are grave and manage to disappear, just to reappear and "attack" again? How I wish that the doctors would rush and that her healing would too. But all things work within their time.

I've been praying a lot lately. I have been since July (before my mother even fell ill) and I haven't prayed for years. So it was a bit of a schock for me already then, to suddenly feel a strong connection to God. However, as in my last short post: I am upset with God. Yet I still keep on praying, it's a strange thing and I don't think I'm on his good side.

I don't pray for selfish needs. I pray for health and happiness, not just for me but for others too whether they'd be a close friend to me or an acquaintance. I pray for my mother to not have any more serious illnesses (she's been operated for two other tumors earlier) because it has been hard for me to watch my mother be weak and actually hurt. And to possibly go through that again is nothing I'm looking forward to. To be the only one there as support... I can't begin to describe how scary it is.

So the doctors say that it's either a) a blood clot in the brain or b) a nerve-paralysis. None are good options or outcomes.

This is why I'm upset with God. Unfair is just one word to begin with.